IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

-Some parents believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life. Discuss both views.

#-some #parents #mathematics #school #life
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A considerable amount of
people
Use synonyms
 commented that giving knowledge about the
maths
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 subject to primary school students should
reduce
Wrong verb form
be reduced
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 many individuals said mathematics should
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
foundational
Correct article usage
a foundational
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 subject whether it
helpful
Add a missing verb
is helpful
show examples
 or not in the future time. Both
the
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apply
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viewpoints are discussed in the
further
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 paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, supporters of the first viewpoints have their own stances. The first and foremost is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 development of digital technology. To elaborate, many parents believe that in
this
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 modern era, schools should focus
to enhance
Change preposition
on enhancing
show examples
child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
show examples
 computer and digital skills rather than spending time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
maths
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.
For instance
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, I read one article in
newspaper
Add an article
a newspaper
the newspaper
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 mentioned that parents are more keen to teach their pupils about
the
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apply
show examples
new gadgets in spite of school subjects.
Moreover
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, another significant factor is
this
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 subject is boring in comparison with other courses.
In that
Change preposition
That
show examples
, many
people
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 noticed that children found
maths
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is
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
complicated
Add an article
a complicated
show examples
 area of study
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 they believe there
is
Wrong verb form
would be
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nos
Correct your spelling
no
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 use
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
maths
Use synonyms
 in the future.
However
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, many
people
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 believe that mathematics still has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant role in
the
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apply
show examples
children's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, so it is better to not avoid that area in learning.
Firstly
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,
maths
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 is the core branch of study and it helps to understand
the
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apply
show examples
basic calculations
as well as
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 financial planning in
later
Add an article
the later
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 part of
life
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.
Furthermore
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, every sector requires
the
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apply
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basic knowledge of
maths
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such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 business,bank and hospital departments.
For example
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, if
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 wants to buy a home on loan,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
he
she
show examples
 will require to have
idea
Add an article
an idea
show examples
 about interest rates and their calculations.
Therefore
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, schools should not stop giving lectures about mathematics. In conclusion, it is observed that how technology has been overlapping the use of
maths
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 in
contemporary
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the contemporary
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 era,
while
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people
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 should not forget the value of
maths
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 in children's
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and later
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by pp6859 on

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coherence
Work on organizing your arguments more logically. Ensure each main point clearly supports your argument.
cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence. This helps the reader understand the main point of the paragraph immediately.
task response
When providing examples, try to make them more specific and directly related to the point you are making. This strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.
task response
Be mindful of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Proofread your work or have someone else read it to catch mistakes.
coherence
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps provide a clear structure to your argument.
task response
You have addressed both viewpoints, which is crucial for this type of essay. This shows your ability to consider multiple perspectives.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • redundant
  • foundational
  • practical
  • financial literacy
  • useful
  • problem-solving
  • critical thinking
  • logical reasoning
  • analytical skills
  • data
  • statistics
  • professions
  • finance
  • engineering
  • technology
  • scams
  • fraud
  • relevance
  • significance
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