IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life. Discuss both views.

A considerable amount of
people
Use synonyms
 commented that giving knowledge about the
maths
Use synonyms
 subject to primary school students should be reduced,
whereas
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 many individuals said mathematics should be considered a foundational subject whether it is helpful or not in the future time. Both viewpoints are discussed in the
further
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 paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, supporters of the first viewpoints have their own stances. The first and foremost is the development of digital technology. To elaborate, many parents believe that in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, schools should focus on enhancing
children
Use synonyms
's computer and digital skills rather than spending time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
maths
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.
For instance
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, I read one article in the newspaper, that mentioned that parents are more keen to teach their pupils about new gadgets in spite of school subjects.
Moreover
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, another significant factor is
this
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 subject is boring in comparison with other courses.
That
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 many
people
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 noticed that
children
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 found
maths
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 to be a complicated area of study as well they
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
 there would be no use for
maths
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 in the future.
However
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, many
people
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 believe that mathematics still has a significant role in
children
Use synonyms
's lives, so it is better to not avoid that area in learning.
Firstly
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,
maths
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 is the core branch of study and it helps to understand basic calculations
as well as
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 financial planning in the later part of life.
Furthermore
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, every sector requires basic knowledge of
maths
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such
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 as business,bank and hospital departments.
For example
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, if a person wants to buy a home on loan,
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 he will
require
Wrong verb form
be required
show examples
 to have an idea about interest rates and their calculations.
Therefore
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, schools should not stop giving lectures about mathematics. In conclusion, it is observed that how technology has been overlapping the use of
maths
Use synonyms
 in the contemporary era,
while
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people
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 should not forget the value of
maths
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 in
children
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's day-to-day life and later parts of life.

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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, but there are some logical inconsistencies and lack of depth in certain arguments. For example, you could expand more on why digital skills could potentially replace the need for math in the future.
Task Achievement
There are some grammatical and lexical errors that slightly impede the clarity of your ideas. Make sure to proofread your work to correct these errors. For instance, 'maths' should be 'math,' 'in spite of' should be 'instead of,' and 'than' should be 'then.'
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and both introduction and conclusion are present, but the transition between ideas could be smoother. Try using transition phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'however' to make your arguments flow better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. For instance, when talking about the importance of math in everyday life, you could use more real-life scenarios or statistical data.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the two viewpoints, which gives a good first impression.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a balanced view on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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