IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agricluture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is the case? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is
unfortune
Correct your spelling
unfortunate
 that in the midst of vast progress in every field of life, there are still
people
Use synonyms
 suffering from famine. It is certainly a global issue which needs universal attention.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the possible reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem and solutions that may tackle
this
Linking Words
 dilemma.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the gap between the wealthy and the impoverished is one major factor, especially
it's
Correct word choice
since it's
show examples
 getting wider and wider nowadays. In the current age, a good number of
people
Use synonyms
 are enjoying a high-quality lifestyle attributed to the fast
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 development,
however
Linking Words
, at the same time, the unemployment rate is alarming in many areas.
People
Use synonyms
 who are unemployed or underpaid may not be able to afford their basic needs for life
such
Linking Words
 as food, especially under the circumstance that nowadays the living cost is increasing dramatically. The second principal cause is the environmental impact. Modernization and technological
develpment
Correct your spelling
development
developments
 brought us fruits
such
Linking Words
 as easy ways
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
, efficient working methods and beautiful landscapes of
metropolies
Correct your spelling
metropolises
metropolis
, leaving detrimental effects on our mother Earth.
For example
Linking Words
, deforestation,
global-warming
Correct your spelling
global warming
show examples
,
sandstorms
Correct word choice
and sandstorms
show examples
, to name just a few, none of them would be beneficial to agriculture,
instead
Linking Words
, they are causing land erosion, water scarcity and
extrem
Correct your spelling
extreme
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
changes and eventually lead to severe starvation.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 presents
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a crucial problem, there are some solutions on hand. Governments should adjust tax
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
show examples
thus
Linking Words
 narrowing the gap between the rich and the poor. Laws should be passed to
restric
Correct your spelling
restrict
 the land development from
over exploitation
Add a hyphen
over-exploitation
show examples
. Governments should
also
Linking Words
 invest in education, especially
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 unemployed young
people
Use synonyms
 with free access to
learn
Verb problem
apply
show examples
argricultural
Correct your spelling
agricultural
 knowledge
thus
Linking Words
 reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment and contributing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural
develpoment
Correct your spelling
development
 in the long run. In conclusion, it is very likely
this
Linking Words
 problem can and will be solved with a joint effort of
idividuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 and the government in the near future no matter how complicated it is now, and I am firmly convinced that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay provides a thorough response to the prompt, you should elaborate more on specific examples to support your points further. This will illustrate your arguments more convincingly.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but working on varying your vocabulary and reducing minor spelling errors (e.g., 'unfortune,' 'argricultural') will help present a more polished essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use logical connectors effectively throughout the essay to enhance the flow and cohesiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents a clear thesis statement, preparing the reader for what follows.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports the central argument, which contributes to logical structure and ease of understanding.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay and reinforces the central argument, making it a strong ending.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the reasons and solutions for the issue comprehensively, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • food scarcity
  • malnutrition
  • sustainable agriculture
  • distribution networks
  • food insecurity
  • subsistence farming
  • agricultural yield
  • food deserts
  • infrastructural development
  • economic disparity
  • global supply chain
  • food sovereignty
  • climate resilience
  • political unrest
  • post-harvest loss
What to do next:
Look at other essays: