IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim it has positive effects for children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #tv #children #effects
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Whether it is good for
children
Use synonyms
 to watch TV or there are some potential factors for the growth of
children
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 is a recurring problem. I contend that
television
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 is necessary for the
mature
Replace the word
maturity
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 of
children
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, despite those who believe that TV causes harmful physical and
spychological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 youngsters. It must be understood that watching TV plays an essential capacity in the development of
children
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. It should be self-evident that more than half news
are
Change the verb form
is
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broadcasted
Wrong verb form
broadcast
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 on
television
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.
This
Linking Words
 disseminated information
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 knowledge in various territories,
aming
Correct your spelling
aiming
 to
encourage
Wrong verb form
encourages
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 people to absorb more information.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are some channels
usually
Correct pronoun usage
that usually
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 display various current news. By using direct channels,
children
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 can learn what they can grasp.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, critics justifying the closure of
television
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 with
children
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 argue that alleviating the time
exposuring
Correct your spelling
exposure
exposing
 to it can protect eyes and main their health.
This
Linking Words
 is a credible point, but accredited
television
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 made significant results
to entertain
Change preposition
in entertaining
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children
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 by displaying diverse types of cartoons or life stories.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these advancements aim to enhance the knowledge and the views of the globe. The writer's opinion advocates the capacity of direct devices for the growth of
children
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, educational starting, interactive experiences with various languages can make
children
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 become more active in the future.
As a result
Linking Words
, parents highlight the importance of watching
television
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in
Change preposition
at
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proper
Correct article usage
the proper
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 time.
To conclude
Linking Words
, watching electrical devices brings many benefits for the development of people in their childhood.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people should be aware of its indispensable role in
early
Add an article
the early
an early
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 phase of development in
a
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apply
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life.
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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure to fully address all aspects of the question. In this essay, while both views are discussed, they could be more equally balanced, and your own opinion could be presented more clearly.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, try to use more linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow between different parts of your essay. The transition between some points could be smoother.
task achievement
Work on strengthening the support for your main points with more relevant, detailed examples. This will help to make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to address both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
There is a structured introduction and conclusion, providing a clear framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to connect ideas and points, showing an awareness of the importance of coherence in writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary behavior
  • unrealistic perceptions
  • creative pursuits
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • constructive content
  • screen time
  • parental guidance
  • critical thinking
  • active learning
  • age-appropriate
  • media literacy
  • family bonding
  • moderation
  • perceive
What to do next:
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