The average health of people's health is expected to be low in future as compared to now.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the increasing
work related
stress, it is predicted that the individual's level of fitness will decline in the coming days.I fully agree with Add a hyphen
work-related
this
statement that the health condition will deteriorate in future owing to a sedentary life style
and a busy work routine.
On the one hand, Correct your spelling
lifestyle
the
technology is making life easier for us, but at the same time, it is making people Correct article usage
apply
adpot
unhealthy habits.Correct your spelling
adopt
adapt
This
means that the populace is dependent more on the
private vehicles for Correct article usage
apply
commute
with no physical activity involved.Wrong verb form
commuting
Moreover
, there is a trend for citizens to watch a lot of television and use smart phones
with less time for outdoor games.Correct your spelling
smartphones
In addition
, consuming a lot of junk food is contributing
to weight gain Wrong verb form
contributes
due to
excess of
calories.All these factors are promoting the development of obesity which ultimately leads to a number of diseases including diabetes, hypertension and hyperlipidemia.In the US, statistics show that sixty Change preposition
apply
percent
of the adult population is overweight and half of them Change the spelling
per cent
are having
diabetes Wrong verb form
have
mellitis
Correct your spelling
Mellitus
myelitis
militias
due to
poor diet management.
Another important factor that might affect people's health is the
Correct article usage
apply
job related
pressure.Many folks are doing extra duties to earn money for their families which Add a hyphen
job-related
put
a lot of stress on them.They find less time to relax and play with their kids which is a major reason for depression and anxiety.Wrong verb form
puts
For instance
, my cousin, who is doing two jobs in a day has started using Correct your spelling
antidepressant
anti depressant
medications Correct your spelling
antidepressant
due to
enormous mental fatigue.
In conclusion, the standard of well-being of masses
is expected to decrease Correct article usage
the masses
due to
extra duty hours and unhealthy eating with less of
physical exercise.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by alishah2294 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has clear ideas and relevant examples that support your main points well. However, consider organizing your ideas more effectively to create a smoother logical flow between paragraphs. Additionally, transition phrases could enhance the coherence of your arguments.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Pay attention to small grammatical errors and improve sentence variety to increase the readability of your essay. Also, consider using more topic-specific vocabulary to show a higher range of language use.
Task Achievement
Your task response is strong, as you have clearly addressed the question and provided sufficient support for your viewpoint. To improve further, ensure every point is elaborated consistently throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Your use of relevant specific examples—such as the statistics from the US and the personal anecdote about your cousin—greatly strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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