The average health of people's health is expected to be low in future as compared to now.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#health #people #future

With the increasing

work related

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work-related

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stress, it is predicted that the individual's level of fitness will decline in the coming days.I fully agree with

this

statement that the health condition will deteriorate in future owing to a sedentary

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

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and a busy work routine. On the one hand,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology is making life easier for us, but at the same time, it is making people

adpot

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adopt

adapt

unhealthy habits.

This

means that the populace is dependent more on

the

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apply

show examples

private vehicles for

commute

Wrong verb form

commuting

show examples

with no physical activity involved.

Moreover

, there is a trend for citizens to watch a lot of television and use

smart phones

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smartphones

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with less time for outdoor games.

In addition

, consuming a lot of junk food

is contributing

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contributes

show examples

to weight gain

due to

excess

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apply

show examples

calories.All these factors are promoting the development of obesity which ultimately leads to a number of diseases including diabetes, hypertension and hyperlipidemia.In the US, statistics show that sixty

percent

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per cent

show examples

of the adult population is overweight and half of them

are having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

diabetes

mellitis

Correct your spelling

Mellitus

myelitis

militias

due to

poor diet management. Another important factor that might affect people's health is

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

job related

Add a hyphen

job-related

show examples

pressure.Many folks are doing extra duties to earn money for their families which

put

Wrong verb form

puts

show examples

a lot of stress on them.They find less time to relax and play with their kids which is a major reason for depression and anxiety.

For instance

, my cousin, who is doing two jobs in a day has started using

Correct your spelling

antidepressant

show examples

anti depressant

Correct your spelling

antidepressant

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medications

due to

enormous mental fatigue. In conclusion, the standard of well-being of

masses

Correct article usage

the masses

show examples

is expected to decrease

due to

extra duty hours and unhealthy eating with less

Change preposition

apply

show examples

physical exercise.

Submitted by alishah2294 on Thu May 23 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has clear ideas and relevant examples that support your main points well. However, consider organizing your ideas more effectively to create a smoother logical flow between paragraphs. Additionally, transition phrases could enhance the coherence of your arguments.

Grammar and Vocabulary

Pay attention to small grammatical errors and improve sentence variety to increase the readability of your essay. Also, consider using more topic-specific vocabulary to show a higher range of language use.

Task Achievement

Your task response is strong, as you have clearly addressed the question and provided sufficient support for your viewpoint. To improve further, ensure every point is elaborated consistently throughout the essay.

Task Achievement

Your use of relevant specific examples—such as the statistics from the US and the personal anecdote about your cousin—greatly strengthens your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The average health of people's health is expected to be low in future as compared to now.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Many teenagers now have their smart phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion?

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public service instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Today more and more people want things instantly (ex: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness ?

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local costum and behavior others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural difference Discuss both view and give your opinion.