A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many nations are spending
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of their funds
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
oil
searching. One day
this
source could finish and authorities have to be ready to replace
oil
with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
elements,
such
as wind and solar rays.
World's
Correct article usage
The world's
show examples
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
should be spent on new sources of power. I agree with the latter, in
this
essay I will explain why. Today, governments are still spending a lot of
money
on
oil
researching
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research
show examples
, but it could
be finish
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be finished
show examples
soon.
Further
,
oil
extraction is damaging the environment,
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
it is a costly process.
For example
, many companies are increasing the
oil
price because they know that
this
resource is limited. The extraction process includes high salaries because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
high risks that the workers
faces
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face
show examples
on
oil
Add an article
an oil
the oil
show examples
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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,
in addition
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
companies are reducing the
qaulity
Correct your spelling
quality
of
marine
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the marine
show examples
eco-system which means that
governaments
Correct your spelling
governments
that are spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
are wasting their
money
also
.
On the other hand
, the real solution is trusting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gevernments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
that are investing
money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
renewable sources
such
as wind and solar rays. These
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
are less expensive and
unlimeted
Correct your spelling
unlimited
,
moreover
getting
these
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
is not
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
possible
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
. With
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
of
resources
Add a comma
resources,
show examples
companies can design
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
projects.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nordic
Capitalize word
Nordic
show examples
European countries
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
the Netherlands are
exploting
Correct your spelling
exploring
exploiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wind power to produce energy through
eholic
Correct your spelling
cholic
technology,
while
others
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
solar
pannels
Correct your spelling
panels
show examples
during the sunny periods in order to get and produce
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
show examples
of energy. In conclusion, governments should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
more
money
on renewable resources in order to maintain a quality energy
erogation
Correct your spelling
derogation
without
ruined
Wrong verb form
ruining
show examples
our planet.
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which enhances the overall structure. However, ensure that your introduction more clearly outlines the specific points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Some points, such as the environmental impact of oil extraction and the costliness of oil, are briefly mentioned but not fully explored. Providing more detailed explanations and additional evidence or examples will strengthen your points and make your argument more convincing.
grammar
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow of your ideas. Work on refining your language use to make your writing clearer and more polished. For instance, 'gevernments,' 'exploting,' and 'eholic' need correction, among others.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion on why investing in renewable energy sources is a better option than continuing to spend money on oil exploration.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow and progression of ideas, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point related to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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