A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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What works well
2Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion on why investing in renewable energy sources is a better option than continuing to spend money on oil exploration.
The essay has a logical flow and progression of ideas, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point related to the overall argument.
Improvement Suggestions
3Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which enhances the overall structure. However, ensure that your introduction more clearly outlines the specific points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
Some points, such as the environmental impact of oil extraction and the costliness of oil, are briefly mentioned but not fully explored. Providing more detailed explanations and additional evidence or examples will strengthen your points and make your argument more convincing.
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow of your ideas. Work on refining your language use to make your writing clearer and more polished. For instance, 'gevernments,' 'exploting,' and 'eholic' need correction, among others.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general