In a number o f countries, some people thin k it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Public
transportation
is meant for society’s convenience and to reduce
pollution
that is
caused by vehicles.
While
for
this
statement, I disagree with the idea that making a railway for very fast trains is very important. I believe that public
transportation
is very convenient and doesn’t cost as much,
also
public
transportation
makes
Verb problem
causes
show examples
way less
pollution
.
According to
some
people
, using
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public
transportation
is easier and doesn’t cost as much.
For example
, Some public
transportation
only requires a plastic bottle to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Using
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public
transportation
makes
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
show examples
productive. Before we get to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public
transportation
, we must check out the time
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
anticipate so that we can be at the destination on time. I don’t agree with the statement
making
Change preposition
about making
show examples
a railway for fast trains because it can be expensive for some
people
. Another opinion is that public
transportation
makes
Verb problem
causes
show examples
less
pollution
. The risk of living in a big city is to have respiratory health issues.
Those
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
pollution
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
produced by factories, cars, and any other vehicles. By using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transportation
risk can decrease and we can get fast air.
Furthermore
, I disagree with the statement that making a railway is way more important than improving existing public transport. Making a fast train is
uneccesarily
Correct your spelling
necessarily
unnecessarily
needed because not all
people
need to go to another city.
Although
it is helpful for some
people
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
using an existing public
transportation
is way more flexible and doesn’t need as much consideration.
While fast
Correct word choice
Fast
show examples
trains can cost more than
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public
transportation
.
Submitted by igbalalfariezy on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer and more defined structure. Make sure to introduce the topic, present both views, and conclude with your own opinion, summarizing the main points mentioned in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Some examples used could be more specific and detailed. For example, instead of just stating that some public transportation only requires a plastic bottle to use it, you could explain how this works and where it is implemented.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and flow. Ensure that each paragraph transition smoothly to the next and that ideas are clearly linked. Using transitional words like "Furthermore," "Moreover," and "On the other hand," can help achieve this.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument clearly, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address the essay question directly and provided your own opinion towards the end.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of your arguments in the essay, which makes it easy to follow your train of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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