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Band 5.5

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside for children is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places for children to grow up?

#people #children #city #life #countryside #places
One school of thought holds that growing up in a metropolis could bring a myriad of benefits for children,
whereas
 others believe that living in a rural area could be more advantageous.
This
 essay
attmpts
Correct your spelling
attempts
 to shed light on both the merits and demerits of
this
 tendency before concluding that the former is more significant.  On the one hand, maturing in the countryside is disadvantageous to some extent.
Firstly
, old customs could have a negative impact on youngsters. Take the ethnic minorities in the northwest of Vietnam for an example, the custom of taking wives could lead kids to stop studying and get married when they are too young and do not have enough life experience.
Secondly
, the quality of medical
as well as
 educational services in the disturbed area is immensely limited.
This
 is because
,
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apply
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 numerous top-notch doctors and professors frequently stay in cities where there are a plethora of opportunities for their careers to thrive.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that living in cities could have many positive impacts. One key rationale in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
 view is that these places allow the young to have a holistic learning approach.
As a result
, adolescence could enrich their knowledge, broaden their horizons, and land a well-earned job in the future. Another justification is that
,
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 the urban areas could provide residents with
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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 amenities. Specifically, when children get sick, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 access high-tech equipment
as well as
 top-notch doctors.
Furthermore
, a variety of recreational places could allow kids to alleviate stress after a long day of working or even find some trendy clothes, which they could not find in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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remote areas. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that the countryside could give inhabitants fresh air, I would contend that
raising
Verb problem
growing
show examples
 up in the city could be more noteworthy.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Ensure to correct minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'attmpts' which should be 'attempts'.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more complex sentence structures and vary your vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view and a clear conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and related to the body paragraphs, enhancing coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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