IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many countries apply to be the host of an international sporting competition such as Olympics but only one is ever chosen What are the benefits for a country of hosting an international sports competition Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#countries #host #competition #olympics #country #sports
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Internal sporting
competition
,
for instance
Olympics
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympic
show examples
 Games, is widely known to attract
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 around the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 attention. Most developed
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 around the
world
 volunteered to be the
host
 of those competitions, but just
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 selected to be the
host
. As we know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
competition
 not only
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 tourists and income to the
country
, but
also
 brings some chaos and tanglement.
However
, in my point of view, the advantages of hosting those competitions
are out
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 weight disadvantages for 3 main reasons. First of all, those competitions bring
Correct article usage
a numbered
show examples
numbered
Replace the word
number
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 of income to the
host
country
. Not only
they
Add a missing verb
do they
show examples
 bring
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 into the land, but they
also
 bring
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
, coaches and supporters for the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 team. Those
people
 stay in the
host
country
 for at least 2 weeks and, of course, need to spend money for their living. The statistics
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
that
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
Olympics
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympic Games
show examples
Game
 2020 Beijing made almost 2 billion
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 spread in local shops.
Secondly
, it's the opportunity for
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 to develop infrastructure
such
 as
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
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 and other public transport. The
host
country
 needs to prepare for a
numbered
Replace the word
number
show examples
 of
people
 around the
world
 that's going to watch the
game
, so it's
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great opportunity to upgrade the facilities in the
country
. Not only for the
competition
, but
people
 in the
country
 will
also
 benefit from better
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 from
this
 chance. The next reason is about fame. Being the
host
 of
such
 a worldwide famous event will
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
 the
country
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in
global
Add an article
the global
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 spotlight. In history, there are some small
host
 countries that I’ve never heard the name
before
Change preposition
of before
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, but after being
host
Add an article
the host
a host
show examples
 of
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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, everyone in the
world
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 about them. When I was still a student, the school even put the
Olympics
host
country
 and theme song in the curriculum which we have to learn all year long. It’s a great chance for making
country
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 in global sight. There are
also
 some drawbacks
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 being the
host
country
 of
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
Olympics
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympic
show examples
 Games. To illustrate,
to
Change the verb form
hosting
show examples
host
 the
game
 requires
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of funding, during the
game
 can cause traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 and bring some chaos to the
country
 if there’s not enough good management, and lots of tourists may increase the rate of crimes in the land during the
game
 period. To summarize,
although
 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 cons as mentioned in
paragraph
Add an article
the paragraph
show examples
 before, being
host
Correct article usage
the host
show examples
country
 of international sports
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more pros
such
 as bringing income to the
country
, giving a chance for
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 to develop facilities, bringing fame and getting
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 in worldwide sight.
Submitted by thirdd.natcha on

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coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down long paragraphs into smaller ones for better readability and structure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction succinctly presents your main points to give a clearer roadmap of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on more detailed linking between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of ideas from one section to another.
task achievement
Avoid repetitions, like 'those competitions' which appears several times without adding new information.
task achievement
Include more specific and diverse examples to support your arguments and make them more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay provides a solid response to the task with clear ideas and relevant supporting points.
task achievement
The essay addresses multiple perspectives, identifying both advantages and disadvantages which shows a balanced view.
task achievement
Your main points are mostly supported with examples, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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