IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct. There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

#process #species #reason #people
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A number of
animals
 are on the edge of dying out in the
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
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.
Although
 it is widely said that preservative measurements should not be applied to avoid the extinction rate, I strongly believe that
animals
 must be strictly conserved in light of their values in ecology. Loss of biodiversity and ecological imbalance will happen if a wide range of
animals
 are no longer extant.
This
 means that the disappearance of one
species
 has a knock-on effect on all
animals
 interconnected in the natural food chain.
As a result
, the mass die-off of
species
 could occur in the near future.
Moreover
,
this
 problem could lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 shortage of valuable resources for medical and scientific research. To illustrate
this
 point, take centipedes as a prime example which is one of the most effective insects contributing to
cure
Change the verb form
curing
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 serious diseases. If the number of these insects gradually decreases, people
could
Verb problem
will
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 not get access to these useful drugs anymore.
Besides
, measurements and solutions should be provided to reduce the impact caused by humans. It can be observed that mass deforestation to build infrastructure and timber harvesting has cost wild
animals
 living habitats.
Therefore
, imposing a ban on these immoral activities is constantly indispensable and largely appreciated by communities. In consequence, it could enhance humans' self-awareness,
as well as
 show empathy for animal
species
. New generations,
hence
, will follow and show the same respect to the wildlife.
To sum up
, animal
species
 must be strictly saved to avoid the increasing number of extinction. Simultaneously, regulations and measurements should be imposed in order to control
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans’
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
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exploiting
Replace the word
exploitation
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 activities.
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task achievement
Your essay clearly presents a response to the prompt, but some ideas need more development and examples for stronger support.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your main points. Use linking phrases and words more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt convincingly, with a clear statement of your position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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