IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Governments of many
countries
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 put aside a lump sum to fund
space
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 research.
Space
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 exploration could potentially provide us with answers to many unanswered questions
such
Linking Words
 as the existence of life outside of Earth and the creation of energy from sources other than fossil fuels.
Although
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this
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 gives opportunities for incredible findings and advancements, it is more important for the governments to ensure people of their country receive access to basic necessities
such
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 as
healthcare
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 and food.
Healthcare
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 is now becoming more difficult to access by people, even in developed
countries
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 like the UK
due to
Linking Words
 overpopulation and staff shortage. The money spent on building rockets is more than enough to build plenty of new hospitals and employ new staff.
Moreover
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, the situation is a lot worse in developing
countries
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 where people lack access to basic medical care
such
Linking Words
 as vaccinations for newborn babies. It is
therefore
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 wise for politicians to allocate available funds to establish and improve
healthcare
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 rather than investing in
space
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 exploration. Families living on the support of one working parent often live on a tight budget and can barely afford basic essentials
such
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 as food, clothing and travel.
Likewise
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, in some
countries
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, families starve for a few days a week
due to
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 unemployment. It is
therefore
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 important that the government address poverty in their country before spending billions of dollars on something
that is
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 unlikely to give any benefit in the foreseeable future. In conclusion, even though
space
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 exploration can be the root cause of a great invention of the future, it is essential that politicians first tackle the issues surrounding basic necessities
such
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 as
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and starvation.

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a more nuanced approach in addressing the complexity of the topic. Explore the potential long-term benefits of space exploration in more detail to provide a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Ensuring a seamless transition between paragraphs can enhance the flow of your essay. Consider using transitional phrases to better connect your ideas.
introduction and conclusion
The essay offers a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively encapsulating the main points discussed.
supported main points
Each paragraph thoroughly supports its main point, contributing to a coherent argument throughout the essay.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and specific examples are well-integrated, illustrating the arguments effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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