IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

The preservation of biodiversity is a critical concern in contemporary environmental discourse.
While
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 some argue that the loss of specific species of plants and animals represents the foremost environmental challenge of our era, others contend that there exist more pressing environmental issues.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and offer an opinion on the matter. Traditional
education
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 often fails to equip students with the practical
skills
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 demanded by modern industries.
For instance
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, many graduates lack proficiency in coding and data analysis, essential
skills
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 in today's digital economy.
This
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 deficiency hampers their employability and limits their contribution to sectors driving economic growth.
Consequently
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, there's a widening gap between educational outcomes and industry requirements. The rise of online learning platforms offers a solution to bridge the gap between traditional
education
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 and industry demands. Platforms like Coursera and Udemy provide accessible and affordable courses on in-demand
skills
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.
This
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 democratization of
education
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 enables individuals to upskill or reskill
according to
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 market needs, fostering a more adaptable workforce. Embracing online learning can enhance the relevance and effectiveness of
education
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 in preparing individuals for the modern workforce. In summary,
while
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 the loss of specific species is undoubtedly a significant environmental concern, there are other pressing issues
such
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 as climate change, pollution, and habitat destruction that demand immediate attention.
Therefore
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, educational reform should focus not only on addressing the
skills
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 gap but
also
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 on fostering environmental literacy and promoting sustainable practices to tackle the myriad challenges facing our planet.

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task achievement
Your essay includes content that is unrelated to the topic, specifically the section on traditional education and online learning platforms. Stick to the given topic to ensure you fully address the task.
coherence cohesion
Make sure you clearly introduce both perspectives on the environmental issue and then discuss them thoroughly in separate paragraphs before offering your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should directly relate to the discussion of the environmental problems and provide a clear summary and final opinion based purely on the arguments presented.
language use
You have a good command of English and use a wide range of vocabulary effectively.
language use
Your essay indicates a strong ability to form complex sentences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem services
  • genetic diversity
  • food chains
  • climate change
  • habitat destruction
  • pollution
  • overpopulation
  • deforestation
  • water scarcity
  • holistic approach
  • environmental sustainability
  • irreversible loss
  • threatened species
  • conservation efforts
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