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Band 4.5

Some people think that zoos are crucial and all zoos should be closed. However, others think zoos are useful to protect the rare animals.

#people #zoos #animals
It is said that
zoos
 are beneficial for keeping endangered species,
whereas
 others, including me, believe that
zoos
 should be closed because they are inhumane. In
this
 essay, the ideas for the
extinction
 of endangered species and violent action against
animals
 will be discussed. Given the
extinction
 of some
animals
, advocates argue that
animals
 should be protected in
zoos
.
This
mean
Replace the word
means
show examples
zoos
 should take responsibility for protecting them as
animals
 are disappearing
due to
 climate change and human activities
such
 as construction and deforestation.
Therefore
,
although
 fauna
belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to the environment and can live in their habitats,
zoos
 are sanctuaries for them that
product
Correct your spelling
protect
show examples
 them from unforeseen circumstances, including storms, and droughts.
For example
, the
extinction
 of the polar bear, Finland has created artificial
zoos
 to partially prevent their
extinction
 and increase their reproduction rate.
Thus
,
zoos
 not only
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
avoid the
extinction
 of some
animals
 but
also
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
help them survive. opponents,
however
, put forward that keeping
animals
 in cages is an act of violence because the
animals
 might get involved in captivity-induced health issues,
such
 as depression, anxiety, and overweight. Given the fact that
zoos
 cannot provide
animals
 with precise ecosystems,
such
 as a vast sky for birds to fly, or an infinite ocean,  there is no need to preserve
animals
 for them.
For example
, eagles may fly more than 400 km during the day,
while
 they are unable to do so in
zoos
,
therefore
, keeping
animals
 in cages is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unethical
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 against them In conclusion,
although
 some believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
preserving
animals
 in
zoos
 could be beneficial for them in terms of reducing the risk of
animal's
Change noun form
animal
show examples
extinction
, I would argue that
due to
 inevitable consequences for
animals
, all
zoos
 should be closed.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are expanded and supported with relevant examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Revise the use of transition words and phrases to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph contains a clear central idea and that the ideas are linked effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up the argument effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion is strong and summarizes the main points well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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