IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
It
is widely believe
Change the verb form
is widely believed
show examples
 that the majority of
people
 prefer to learn work duties from experienced
people
,
while
 others want to learn
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 university
education
 in
academic
Change the article
an academic
show examples
 way.
This
 is an unpredictable debate as some
people
 firmly support their arguments,
while
 others adamantly object to it. I have solid reasons to agree with both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sides which are
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time and
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of
education
.
To begin
 with, supporters of
this
 matter claim that
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 style of work from university is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time for many jobs, especially
unqualifies
Correct your spelling
unqualified
show examples
.
In other words
, they can learn easily from their
employers'
Change noun form
employers
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
short-term
Correct your spelling
short term
show examples
 because they don't need to have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
special requirements. Another key point of
this
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
 is experience.
Thus
, experience plays a significant role in
this
 issue
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it is more important than academic background for some jobs
such
 as gardening.
On the other hand
, opponents of
this
 matter emphasize that
education
 is a bedrock of society.
Therefore
, university students dedicate their self to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 studies and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 new
thesies
Correct your spelling
theories
thesis
.
Meaning
Wrong verb form
This means
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the fundamental target of
education
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 find
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for main problems particularly science and medical subjects.
This
 is a very convincing argument depending on
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 that
innivation
Correct your spelling
innovation
 and regulation
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
education
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 level of the country.
As a result
, every person should take qualified
education
 even if they will work as
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 electricians or plumbers. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
people
 have
a totally different perspectives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a totally different perspective
totally different perspectives
show examples
 about
this
 matter.
Nevertheless
, when everything is considered, I am inclined to believe that there should be a delicate balance between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 arguments.
Submitted by emiretatli7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure: Bring more coherence to your essay by organizing your ideas more logically. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen introduction and conclusion: Your introduction should clearly state your stance on the issue, and the conclusion should effectively summarize your main points, reinforcing your stance.
task achievement
Support main points with examples: Provide specific examples and explanations to back up your points. For instance, mention specific vocational training courses or programs relevant to the discussion.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task: Make sure you fully address both the importance of vocational training and university education. Also, clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the given statement.
task achievement
Balanced viewpoint: You have attempted to consider both sides of the argument, demonstrating the ability to weigh different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Use of transitional phrases: Phrases like 'To begin with' and 'On the other hand' help in making your essay more cohesive.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!