IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The development in technology allow more and more machines to be used rather than human employees. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In the contemporary era, modern technology provides plenty of gadgets,which are replacing a man-power.
This
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 topic has several demerits that outweigh the merits,which are discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,the first and foremost disadvantage of having more machines is the rising
an
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apply
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unemployment rate. To elaborate,digital gadgets are implanted by owners in their companies to enhance their
work
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 efficiency.
As a result
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, they require fewer human employees,because the majority of
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 is done by machines.
For instance
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,
according to
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 one survey in the USA,there has
beena
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been a
 7% incline in the unemployment rate since the invention of automatic gadgets.
Moreover
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,another eye-catching drawback is increasing pollution. Industries are investing money in automatic devices and those instruments are creating noise
as well as
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 air pollution,which directly impacts the environmental cycle.
In addition
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,automatic appliances reduce the human load,
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whereas
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which
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it
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is responsible for causing injuries to operators.
Thus
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, these are the negative effects of having machines in the place of people.
However
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, the positive side of having an updated device is that the
work
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 environment is fast-paced compared to the power. The automatic devices not only ameliorate the
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 efficiency but
also
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 very few chances of making errors.
For example
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, computers are doing calculations within seconds without any mistakes,
while
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 it is not easy for humans to do the same. In conclusion, the cons of having the devices outweigh the pros
,
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because they create an unemployment rate, disturb the geographical cycle and well as chances of injuries are higher,
although
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 some of the advantages are crucial
such
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 as an error-free and fast-paced
work
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 culture.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and improve the clarity of your ideas. Make sure each sentence builds logically on the one before it.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of using machines, demonstrating a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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