People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?
Family bond, which plays an integral role in our lives, is not only the foundation for character development but
also
spiritual nourishment. However
, in modern times, the absence of family is a widespread concern. The reasons and effects behind this
issue will be discussed in the following paragraphs
The underlying rationale behind this
is that hectic work schedules deprive individuals of time
for their families. People have the tendency to spend their time
and mine to pursue successful occupations in lieu of spending quality family time
. The pressure of working, and the weight of expectations put a strain on one and balancing work as well as
family is challenging. Another reason to consider is that the proliferation of digital devices such
as smartphones and computers causes dependence on these things, even addicted
to them. Teenagers, Replace the word
addiction
for example
, allocate most of their time
to texting with friends or surfing social networks instead
of talking with their parents.
In my point of view, insufficient time
for family has an adverse bearing on families and society. The deterioration of family relations leads to increasing distance between family members due to
misunderstandings and conflicts. Additionally
, this
issue may fuel a host of social problems. For instance
, children, who grow up with a lack of family time
, are more fragile because of bad impacting
from outside. Replace the word
impacts
This
is a premise to increase violence and crime.
In conclusion, work and technology addiction is to blame for the increasingly less family together time
and I believe that this
problem has a number of repercussionsSubmitted by midden-02.tore on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
There are a few grammatical and punctuation errors that need to be corrected:
- 'the absence of family is a widespread concern' - 'absence of family time' would have been clearer here.
- 'People have the tendency to spend their time and mine' - 'and money' seems to be the intended phrase here.
- 'due to misunderstandings and conflicts' - consider adding more specificity here to better explain these misunderstandings.
- 'bad impacting from outside' - consider rephrasing to 'negative influences from external sources'. This will make the sentence clearer.
supporting ideas
While the main points are relevant and well supported, consider giving additional examples or data to further strengthen your arguments. For instance, more specific examples regarding work pressures or technological addiction could be provided.
structure
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. The transition from the rationale behind the issue to its effects could be made smoother by summarizing the reasons before moving to the effects.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear framework for your argument.
clarity
You have clearly identified and explained the reasons for the issue, such as hectic work schedules and technological dependence.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the reasons and effects of the problem, fulfilling the task requirements comprehensively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!