People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?
Family bond, which plays an integral role in our lives, is not only the foundation for character development but
also
spiritual nourishment. Linking Words
However
, in modern times, the absence of family is a widespread concern. The reasons and effects behind Linking Words
this
issue will be discussed in the following paragraphs
The underlying rationale behind Linking Words
this
is that hectic work schedules deprive individuals of Linking Words
time
for their families. People have the tendency to spend their Use synonyms
time
and mine to pursue successful occupations in lieu of spending quality family Use synonyms
time
. The pressure of working, and the weight of expectations put a strain on one and balancing work Use synonyms
as well as
family is challenging. Another reason to consider is that the proliferation of digital devices Linking Words
such
as smartphones and computers causes dependence on these things, even Linking Words
addicted
to them. Teenagers, Replace the word
addiction
for example
, allocate most of their Linking Words
time
to texting with friends or surfing social networks Use synonyms
instead
of talking with their parents.
In my point of view, insufficient Linking Words
time
for family has an adverse bearing on families and society. The deterioration of family relations leads to increasing distance between family members Use synonyms
due to
misunderstandings and conflicts. Linking Words
Additionally
, Linking Words
this
issue may fuel a host of social problems. Linking Words
For instance
, children, who grow up with a lack of family Linking Words
time
, are more fragile because of bad Use synonyms
impacting
from outside. Replace the word
impacts
This
is a premise to increase violence and crime.
In conclusion, work and technology addiction is to blame for the increasingly less family together Linking Words
time
and I believe that Use synonyms
this
problem has a number of repercussionsLinking Words
Submitted by midden-02.tore on
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grammar
There are a few grammatical and punctuation errors that need to be corrected:
- 'the absence of family is a widespread concern' - 'absence of family time' would have been clearer here.
- 'People have the tendency to spend their time and mine' - 'and money' seems to be the intended phrase here.
- 'due to misunderstandings and conflicts' - consider adding more specificity here to better explain these misunderstandings.
- 'bad impacting from outside' - consider rephrasing to 'negative influences from external sources'. This will make the sentence clearer.
supporting ideas
While the main points are relevant and well supported, consider giving additional examples or data to further strengthen your arguments. For instance, more specific examples regarding work pressures or technological addiction could be provided.
structure
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. The transition from the rationale behind the issue to its effects could be made smoother by summarizing the reasons before moving to the effects.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear framework for your argument.
clarity
You have clearly identified and explained the reasons for the issue, such as hectic work schedules and technological dependence.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the reasons and effects of the problem, fulfilling the task requirements comprehensively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?