IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Publishing
politicians
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' personal
lives
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 in bulletins should be restricted
according to
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 some people. I completely agree because
politicians
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 not only pose a right to
privacy
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 but
also
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 could be dangerous for their relatives. The primary reason for not printing
politicians
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' private
lives
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 in newspapers is the right to
privacy
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. If every aspect of their
lives
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 is exposed in front of everybody, these people may get stressed which may impede their ability to offer public services;
consequently
Linking Words
, they lose the trust of
public
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the public
show examples
.
For example
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, research shows that many
politicians
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 have resigned from their posts because they fear being exposed to their personal
lives
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 in front of others.
Hence
Linking Words
, the media should be responsible for making sensible decisions to separate public information from private information. Another reason for maintaining personal confidentiality is the potential danger to their relatives. To justify, their families and friends have to suffer
due to
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 their
privacy
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 invasion which is completely unfair to them. In some cases, the relatives of
politicians
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 are being attacked by some people to express their anger towards the
politicians
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, or they receive negative behaviours from others.
For instance
Linking Words
, had the media not leaked the personal information about the bitter relationship between Madhya Pradesh's Chief minister and his son,
this
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 son would not have left India forever to protect himself from other
politicians
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.
Therefore
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, publishers should respect their relationships with others;
otherwise
Linking Words
, opponents can use their negative relations for political gain. In conclusion,
due to
Linking Words
 the right to
privacy
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 and to protect personal relations, I believe that the private
lives
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 of
politicians
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 should not be published in the newspapers.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides reasons for your position, which is essential for task achievement. However, including more detailed and varied examples would strengthen your argument and make your points more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear, but some sentences could be structured more effectively to enhance clarity. For instance, instead of 'politicians not only pose a right to privacy,' you might say, 'politicians not only have a right to privacy.'
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more linking phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
You effectively introduce your main points in the topic sentences and then provide explanations and examples to support them.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your position and the main reasons for it, which reinforces your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
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