People today are not fit as they were in the past . What are the causes for this? What steps can be taken to deal with this issue?
Over the
last
few years, previous people
are
busy with their routine schedules Wrong verb form
have been so
they
don't have time to take care of their health. I would like to share my views about the current situation Correct pronoun usage
that they
about
Change preposition
of
fitness
and activity.
On the one
hand, fitness
is one
the main cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
to be
healthy in the current generation, but Change preposition
of being
due to
some situations like working in hectic times and not maintenance of proper food people
are not concentrating on their health and body. Due to
these ,causes they are getting health problems like blood
pressure and sugar diseases in their early 30's. Correct word choice
high blood
Fitness
is one
type of mineral to our body but certain uncertain people
are not maintaining fitness
activities
On the other hand
, In this
21st ,century there are multiple fitness
centres like outfits, aerobics
to make more exercise apart from these yoga centres and some parks Correct word choice
and aerobics
also
built mainly for Add a missing verb
are also
fitness
.In recent years central government also
introduced yoga day
to make a change in Correct your spelling
Yoga Day
people
. We have more opportunities to utilize and get change in our routine life to make more active. In the past ,years there were many exercises for farmers, they use
to cultivate the land and work with labour together. Wrong verb form
used
This
may be one
of the reasons for their strong body. even our grandparents are still strong due to
healthy food and lifestyle.
To conclude
, I sum up the topic. The person should be more strong and more active in their entire lifestyle. So that they may gain prosperous life and having
more opportunities for their future life, Change the form of the verb
have
additionally
achieving thier
own goals.Correct your spelling
their
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The introduction could be more detailed and clear about what the essay will cover. Try to specify the causes of decreased fitness and the solutions you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay is logically structured. Each paragraph should clearly cover one main idea, and transitions between ideas should be smooth and natural.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both causes and solutions, which is important for a well-rounded response.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion ties back to the main points of the essay, summarizing your argument in a positive light.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!