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Band 4.5

People today are not fit as they were in the past . What are the causes for this? What steps can be taken to deal with this issue?

#people #steps
Over the
last
 few years, previous
people
are
Wrong verb form
have been so
show examples
 busy with their routine schedules
they
Correct pronoun usage
that they
show examples
 don't have time to take care of their health. I would like to share my views about the current situation
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
fitness
 and activity. On the
one
 hand,
fitness
 is
one
 the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 healthy in the current generation, but
due to
 some situations like working in hectic times and not maintenance of proper food
people
 are not concentrating on their health and body.
Due to
 these ,causes they are getting health problems like
blood
Correct word choice
high blood
show examples
 pressure and sugar diseases in their early 30's.
Fitness
 is
one
 type of mineral to our body but certain uncertain
people
 are not maintaining
fitness
 activities
On the other hand
, In
this
 21st ,century there are multiple
fitness
 centres like outfits,
aerobics
Correct word choice
and aerobics
show examples
 to make more exercise apart from these yoga centres and some parks
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 built mainly for
fitness
.In recent years central government
also
 introduced
yoga day
Correct your spelling
Yoga Day
show examples
to make a change in
people
. We have more opportunities to utilize and get change in our routine life to make more active. In the past ,years there were many exercises for farmers, they
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to cultivate the land and work with labour together.
This
 may be
one
 of the reasons for their strong body. even our grandparents are still strong
due to
 healthy food and lifestyle.
To conclude
, I sum up the topic. The person should be more strong and more active in their entire lifestyle. So that they may gain prosperous life and
having
Change the form of the verb
have
show examples
 more opportunities for their future life,
additionally
 achieving
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own goals.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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task achievement
The introduction could be more detailed and clear about what the essay will cover. Try to specify the causes of decreased fitness and the solutions you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay is logically structured. Each paragraph should clearly cover one main idea, and transitions between ideas should be smooth and natural.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both causes and solutions, which is important for a well-rounded response.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion ties back to the main points of the essay, summarizing your argument in a positive light.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • desk jobs
  • processed foods
  • whole, unprocessed foods
  • physical exertion
  • fast-paced
  • public campaigns
  • balanced diet
  • wellness programs
  • fitness challenges
  • recreational facilities
  • physical activity
  • educating children
  • healthy habits
  • physical education
What to do next:
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