IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that in order to deal with the problem of congestion in cities, privately owned vehicles should be banned in city centres, while others consider this to be an unrealistic solution. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #congestion #cities #vehicles #city #centres
In
contemporarily
Change the adverb
contemporary
show examples
 society, it is common to observe traffic jams around metropolitan
areas
,
due to
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 trend of
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
vehicles
 on the roads.
However
,
according to
 some
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 opinion, it is better to prohibit privately owned
vehicles
while
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 some may think it is not
practical
Add an article
a practical
show examples
 solution. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both scenarios with advantages and disadvantages. If we consider the situation in society after prohibiting privately owned
vehicles
, there are numerous problems are arising. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
people
 who live in
areas
 where public
transportation
 systems are not available would not be able to continue their daily
route
Fix the agreement mistake
routes
show examples
.
Although
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 has a better transport system,
people
 may wait at transit
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 in situations when they need to change the transport mode. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, if the bus stop is not near to
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 station
people
 have to walk long distances in order to reach their destinations on time.
Furthermore
,
people
 need to
be left from
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their homes to reach their
working places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 early if they fully rely on
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
transportation
 system,
this
 may literally
unattainable
Add a missing verb
be unattainable
show examples
 for
busy
Add an article
the busy
a busy
show examples
 office
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
.
In addition
,
people
 do have an opinion that if they own
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
 vehicle,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 indicates they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 rich to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society since wealthy
people
 would not
be agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
 proposal. Some may think it is better to drive alone rather than sitting in over populated bus to maintain their independence. These are some consequences
people
 may face after prohibiting privately
own
Wrong verb form
owned
show examples
vehicles
.
However
,
on the other hand
, since the number of
vehicles
 on roads
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 reduced
due to
prohibition
Correct article usage
the prohibition
show examples
 of privately owned
vehicles
 it would be
prime
Correct article usage
a prime
show examples
 solution for traffic congestion.
Furthermore
, air and noise pollution around urban
areas
 will be reduced gradually, which can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number of
people
 who are suffering from
respirator
Correct your spelling
respiratory
show examples
 problems around metropolitan
areas
.
People
 will be more persuaded to use public transport because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there is an
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 advantage as well. Government will take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 to enhance better quality public
transportation
 systems to facilitate the city inhabitants.
According to
 the above discussion, I do think both situations
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 pros
as well as
 cons. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 if the public
transportation
 network is working well within a city, it is better not to use privately
own
Wrong verb form
owned
show examples
vehicles
.
However
, when it comes to rural destinations privately owned
vehicles
 are essential.it is encouraged to minimize privately owned
vehicles
 as much as possible to minimize the traffic congestion around urban
areas
.
Submitted by wm.asanka.sandaruwan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
While you have addressed both perspectives, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific cities that have successfully implemented bans on private vehicles could add depth to your essay.
logical structure
You should work on sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences. Breaking down lengthy sentences into shorter, more concise ones will improve readability.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion could be stronger. Summarize the main points more clearly and state your final opinion concisely to leave a lasting impression.
complete response
You presented a balanced discussion, considering both sides of the argument and providing some advantages and disadvantages for each.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction and a conclusion that ties your points together.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: