Some people believe that it is better to raise children in the countryside, while others think that cities offer more opportunities for a child’s development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People are calling into question the effect of
environment
on Correct article usage
the environment
children
's growth. Some individuals believe that rural areas are more appropriate to raise
kids, Change preposition
for raising
while
others assert that living in a city provides a better environment to grow
Change preposition
for growing
children
. Both sides of the argument present rational justifications that will be elaborated.
On one hand, the supporters of residing in countryside
advocate the idea that rural areas include various Correct article usage
the countryside
labor
and Change the spelling
labour
hardwork
activities which help Correct your spelling
hard work
children
to grow up in a strong form. Simply put, they are taught to contribute in
various tasks carried on by all family members to encourage them Change preposition
to
for being
responsible and Change preposition
to be
supporting
the teamwork. A salient example is that, in some rural parts of Japan, families treat their kids and teenagers to work Wrong verb form
support
in
Change preposition
on
farm
or as Correct article usage
a farm
shepherd
to teach them how to manage tasks in a group Add an article
a shepherd
as well as
having responsibility. Moreover
, the more children
spend their chilhood
in Correct your spelling
childhood
countryside
, the more they respect Add an article
the countryside
to
Change preposition
apply
the
nature and attempt to preserve the environment.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, others believe that a city provides many facilities to raise children
in a modern way. In other words
, cities are empowered by latest
developments in different domains including education, healthcare, and entertainment that support every aspect of a child to grow up very well. A good illustration is that Correct article usage
the latest
children
have access the
newest educational Change preposition
to the
method
like using augmented reality to learn and simulate scientific experiments, various gyms and playgrounds to build muscles, Fix the agreement mistake
methods
as well as
classes to train future
jobs in action. Change preposition
for future
Furthermore
, they have a straight pathway for applying to the university and workforce as they have already adapted to city
lifestyle culture.
By way of conclusion, considering the points discussed above, both sides of the argument provide rational reasons. I am, Correct article usage
the city
however
, of the opinion that it is more convenient for children
to get raised in cities due to
the fact that there are lots of facilities to support kids for
their future lives and plans.Change preposition
in
Submitted by tahani.nr on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have provided a thorough analysis of both viewpoints and offered a clear opinion in the conclusion. To improve, further expand on your own opinion in the conclusion to reinforce your stance.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be rephrased for better clarity. For instance, 'the more they respect to the nature and attempt to preserve the environment' can be revised to 'the more they respect nature and attempt to preserve the environment.'
task achievement
You have used relevant specific examples which effectively support your arguments, particularly the example about rural Japan.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. This enhances readability and cohesion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?