IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are many opinions about advertisements encouraging the customer or improvement in our lifestyle. I believe it forces the customers to buy something that they don't need in their life. I will discuss the reasons for my perspective in
this
 essay.
While
 some believe advertisement helps a person to choose the item that improves their lifestyle.
However
, there are many alternative ways to do the same work as the advertised product that we don't know, and we don't have time to do some research for the alternative ways that are available online that show the same things done by household things.
For example
, there is a device
that is
 often advertised
while
 watching videos, it peels the fish's skin easily but we can do that without any effort by pouring hot water on the skin it will make the skin peel itself.
On the other hand
, day by day we are inventing thousands of items that can help with our household chores,
for example
, the moping robot which can sweep and mop your house
while
 you are at work.
However
, it is not the cheapest option and it
also
 needs some maintenance which often we forget to do so, and the device goes bad soon and all the money goes to waste. By watching advertisements we are encouraged to use that product and without thinking about pros and cons we mostly buy the item and most often after using it one or a maximum 2 times it sits in some corner of the house. To summarise
this
, Mostly it is a waste of money when we are forced to buy anything if someone or any platform shows something about a product we should think about the needs, pros and cons for the usage of any that, and after going through these steps if we get something
then
 it will be a worth buy.
Submitted by MK on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to present a clearer structure by distinctly separating each argument in its own paragraph. For instance, elaborate more on how advertisements negatively impact consumers in one paragraph and dedicate another paragraph to discussing alternative ways to research products.
Task Response
Enhance word variety and complexity to create a more enriched and professional tone. For example, use a phrase like "advertisements can often manipulate consumers into purchasing items that do not serve a specific need," instead of repeatedly using the phrase "forcing customers."
Task Response
Your essay addresses both viewpoints regarding advertisements and provides relevant examples, which indicates a balanced approach to the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing your main points cogently and reflecting a cohesive structure throughout the essay.
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