IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that students who achieve the highest scores in theirexams should be rewarded. Others say that those who show progress should be rewarded instead. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #scores #theirexams #show #progress
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It is thought by some people that the highest
scores
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students
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of students
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 should be rewarded
while
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 others argue that it could be better to give prizes to learners who show their
progress
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. In
this
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 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that schools have to reward children who get the highest
scores
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, and one of the numerous reasons is to prize them. To elaborate
further
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, the gold medal
students
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 typically try their best to study and learn in classes.
Moreover
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, if others want the same prize, they need to put more effort
on
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into
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 their next test same as the gold medal ones.
For instance
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, when I was in high school, my close friend got
the
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apply
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1st place in one of the exams and a teacher gave him perks
such
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 as skipping quizzes in classes, giving him snacks, etc.
Therefore
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, I was trying my best to become the first place as I would get the same perks as my friend did.
On the other hand
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, giving rewards to
students
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 who show a lot of
progress
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 in their exams
also
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 brings several benefits, and the most significant reason is to consolidate them. To explain
this
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 in greater detail, on the next tests, these learners will try harder and put their effort in order to be rewarded.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 idea can motivate other
students
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 who turn their back on studying or taking exams to focus again. An apt illustration of
this
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 was my professor when I was in university,
instead
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 of giving prizes to the highest score
students
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, he provided the
progress
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 ones with lovely trinkets which he bought from the UK before our semester started.
As a result
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, everyone wanted those items and tried their best to achieve higher
scores
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 on the next quiz.
Overall
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, there are many benefits to
offer
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offering
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 rewards to the 1st place or the
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progress
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progressing
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students
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 . In my opinion, schools should do both of them in order to motivate and encourage other learners to get higher
scores
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas and between paragraphs. This will help enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas and arguments even clearer and more comprehensive. This can be done by providing more detailed explanations and supporting each point with relevant examples.
general
Double-check for small grammatical errors and ensure that all sentences are fully polished. This can help in clarifying your messages further.
task achievement
The essay provides clear and relevant examples to support the main points, enhancing the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points discussed and provides a balanced view on the topic, addressing both sides of the argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is well-crafted, setting up the context of the discussion effectively and preparing the reader for the content that follows.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • incentive
  • motivation
  • competitive spirit
  • growth mindset
  • innate ability
  • effort
  • improvement
  • inclusive
  • recognition
  • achievement
  • progress
  • struggle
  • balance
  • inclusive learning environment
What to do next:
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