It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Taking
risks
has become significant for individuals’ lives
, for their proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
lives
as well as
their personal lives
. Despite some possitive
effects, I certainly believe that Correct your spelling
positive
disadvantages
are outweighed the advantages.
First and Correct article usage
the disadvantages
above all
, there are two main advantages. First
one is, Change the article
The first
if
the Correct word choice
that if
risk
taken has good results, it can cause people
who take risk
, to meet new Fix the agreement mistake
risks
people
and build qualified networks. For instance
, my sister used this
education interval to go to Germany and interrupted her school for a while
during her university years and now she's married to someone she met there and they have a company. And secondly
, individuals who take risks
can make a lot of money thanks to the risks
they took
. Wrong verb form
take
According to
a
news, many Correct article usage
apply
people
who took risk
and bought coins, in 2010, have now millions of dollars.
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
Although
the mentioned possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
effectes
, there are two essential disadvantages of taking Correct your spelling
effects
risks
. Firstly
, people
who took
Wrong verb form
take
risks
would lose their money, besides
that, lose their Correct word choice
and besides
times
which is the most important Fix the agreement mistake
time
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
for
their Change preposition
in
lives
. For instance
, a woman I have been following for years,
left her job in a well-known company Remove the comma
apply
and
took a Correct word choice
apply
risk
with her husband and moved to a completely different country. And years
later, she told Correct word choice
Years
what
they had experienced and explained that Correct pronoun usage
them what
this
Correct determiner usage
the
risk
they took in this
process was only a waste of time and that they lost all the money they had. Secondly
, when the risks
taken to
do not have good results, they can cause Fix the infinitive
apply
people
to occure/have mental issues, such
as depression and anxiety.
In conclusion, people
have to realise that mental health and the time they have is more important and they should be careful when taking risks
.Submitted by svdnruslu on
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task achievement
You've provided a clear position, but it would be more effective if you elaborated your viewpoint with a bit more depth. Try providing more detailed explanations for each of your points.
task achievement
You have relevant examples, but make sure your examples directly support the point you're making. The anecdote about your sister, for instance, could be more clearly linked to the impact of taking risks.
coherence cohesion
Focus on breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones to ensure clarity. For example, 'Despite some positive effects, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.'
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical mistakes and typos, like 'possitive' instead of 'positive'. Make sure to proofread your work to catch such errors
coherence cohesion
Your structure is organized, but the flow could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, effectively giving an overview of your stance.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples are used to illustrate points, which strengthens the essay.