IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. What extend do you disagree or agree?

It cannot be denied that the advantages of learning
art
Use synonyms
 bring to young
students
Use synonyms
 and a large number of people believe that
art
Use synonyms
 lessons should be taught in high
school
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
due to
Linking Words
 it is time-consuming for
alumnus
Fix the agreement mistake
alumni
show examples
 and the expense to pay for
tools
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, studying
art
Use synonyms
 in high
school
Use synonyms
 is wasting time for a large number of
students
Use synonyms
. Not many
students
Use synonyms
 are interested in
art
Use synonyms
 because they are not good at or
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 find any advantages in drawing.
Besides
Linking Words
, major
students
Use synonyms
 found that time at high
school
Use synonyms
 to prepare for college and
art
Use synonyms
 classes unnecessary for them, except
students
Use synonyms
 who choose
art
Use synonyms
 as
main
Correct pronoun usage
their main
show examples
 subject.
Therefore
Linking Words
, attending
art
Use synonyms
 lessons will become meaningless and less interesting to
students
Use synonyms
,
otherwise
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 cannot concentrate on their core subjects.
Secondly
Linking Words
, to join in
art
Use synonyms
 lessons admission must pay a lot of money but is extravagant. Since they will buy some specific
tools
Use synonyms
 which are
served
Verb problem
used
show examples
 for drawing and painting and that are costly for most formal
students
Use synonyms
,
besides
Linking Words
, not many
tools
Use synonyms
 are used effectively because
students
Use synonyms
 will see them as entertaining things rather than learning
tools
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, most young scholars buy expensive
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 painters to show off their richness and
then
Linking Words
 drop them somewhere when they feel nobody cares about them.
To sum up
Linking Words
, from my standpoint it is not necessary to teach
art
Use synonyms
 in high
school
Use synonyms
, because some
students
Use synonyms
 find it wasting their time, less effective and the cost of the
tools
Use synonyms
 is not cheap.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points with relevant and specific examples. For instance, you could provide a detailed scenario or data on how much art supplies cost or how many students might prefer focusing on other subjects.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences are slightly awkward or unclear. For example: 'due to it is time-consuming for alumnus'. Phrasing it differently, such as 'because it is time-consuming for students,' would improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are coherent but would benefit from transitions between paragraphs. Adding phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Moreover' can improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You might consider balancing your argument by adding a brief counterargument. Discussing the benefits of art classes, even if you ultimately disagree, can show a more rounded perspective.
task achievement
You have successfully stated your position clearly, which makes your essay focused.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-organized, each presenting a single main idea which adds to the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the points you have made, which is good for cohesion and coherence.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • emotional wellbeing
  • mental health
  • fine motor skills
  • eye-hand coordination
  • self-expression
  • self-esteem
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • inclusivity
  • academic performance
  • artistic activities
  • complement
  • enhance learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: