Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. What extend do you disagree or agree?
It cannot be denied that the advantages of learning
art
bring to young students
and a large number of people believe that art
lessons should be taught in high school
. However
, I disagree with this
statement due to
it is time-consuming for alumnus
and the expense to pay for Fix the agreement mistake
alumni
tools
.
Firstly
, studying art
in high school
is wasting time for a large number of students
. Not many students
are interested in art
because they are not good at or not
find any advantages in drawing. Add a missing verb
do not
Besides
, major students
found that time at high school
to prepare for college and art
classes unnecessary for them, except students
who choose art
as main
subject. Correct pronoun usage
their main
Therefore
, attending art
lessons will become meaningless and less interesting to students
, otherwise
, students
cannot concentrate on their core subjects.
Secondly
, to join in art
lessons admission must pay a lot of money but is extravagant. Since they will buy some specific tools
which are served
for drawing and painting and that are costly for most formal Verb problem
used
students
, besides
, not many tools
are used effectively because students
will see them as entertaining things rather than learning tools
. To illustrate, most young scholars buy expensive color
painters to show off their richness and Change the spelling
colour
then
drop them somewhere when they feel nobody cares about them.
To sum up
, from my standpoint it is not necessary to teach art
in high school
, because some students
find it wasting their time, less effective and the cost of the tools
is not cheap.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points with relevant and specific examples. For instance, you could provide a detailed scenario or data on how much art supplies cost or how many students might prefer focusing on other subjects.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences are slightly awkward or unclear. For example: 'due to it is time-consuming for alumnus'. Phrasing it differently, such as 'because it is time-consuming for students,' would improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are coherent but would benefit from transitions between paragraphs. Adding phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Moreover' can improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You might consider balancing your argument by adding a brief counterargument. Discussing the benefits of art classes, even if you ultimately disagree, can show a more rounded perspective.
task achievement
You have successfully stated your position clearly, which makes your essay focused.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-organized, each presenting a single main idea which adds to the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the points you have made, which is good for cohesion and coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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