IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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It is sometimes argued that advances in technology have led to an increase in the space between the affluent and the less privileged,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others believe it is the opposite.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, new machines have closed the distance between wealthy
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and the poor because of social media,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe the development in the gap between these
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is because modern automation is expensive to purchase. On the one hand, the social network has brought the rich and the poor together on the platform.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 has made it easier for these groups to communicate,interact and share ideas in the development of the society. Through social media, the rich are able to assist the poor in terms of financial needs and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 offer them job opportunities.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, through social media,one of the richest
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 was able to pay for the surgery of a child with a hole-in-heart. If not for modern technology,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 juvenile would have died because the parents could not afford the medical bills.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I support that advancement in technology is creating more gaps between
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
rich
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
poor
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 because new technological gadgets are very costly.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, only the rich is able to purchase it.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 has created a huge space between these groups because the less privileged can not afford it.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, during the Covid 19 pandemic, all school classes were taught online, so only the rich students were able to take part in the virtual classes because of the prices involved in purchasing a laptop and buying an Internet bundle as well.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 led to poor academic performance of the poor who could not afford it. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Even though. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
 electronic gadgets are expensive for the poor to buy,they have the desire to use modern technologies and they try every means to afford these machines ,even to the point of committing crimes like stealing. In conclusion, some individuals think that new technologies have closed the gap between the
affluents
Fix the agreement mistake
affluent

It seems that affluents may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 and the less privileged,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, am of the opinion that these new appliances are creating a huge space between them because the prices of these machines are higher.

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Task Response
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task. The argument is clear and the main points are relevant and well-explained. However, there are some minor language inaccuracies and occasional awkward phrasing. You could further improve your score by ensuring all sentences are clear and polished.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. There is a good flow of ideas and logical connections between sentences and paragraphs. However, try to use a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your writing.
Structure
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction that presents the argument, body paragraphs that discuss both views, and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion.
Examples
Relevant and specific examples, such as the use of social media to assist the poor and the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic on education, enhance the explanation of your points.
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