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Band 4.5

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that children should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #school #age
Whether going to
school
 is a highly subjective discussion point.
However
, from prior experience, it is more beneficial
to begin
 intuitions at an
age
 early, despite those who believe that a mature
age
 is suitable for your
children
. It must be understood that learning basic skills at kindergarten
school
 for
children
 from three to five years old is a strong foundation for them.
This
 has led to the young generation having good
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
such
 as saying "thanks" and "sorry" in some situations.
For example
, there are different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 for an early
age
 like private or public systems to match with various demands of citizens. As a
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
,
children
 who early study may be familiar with time schedules more than others at the same
age
.
However
, some people think that pupils should gain knowledge at primary
school
 at the
age
 of around seven.
This
 is
due to
, parents want to create a colourful life for their
children
 and
cooporate
Correct your spelling
corporate
cooperate
 in their growing.
In addition
, on networking sites, there is a lot of news related to bullying in
school
 or a child becoming an isolated person after a short time.
Therefore
, going to
school
 at an older
age
 may be safe for
children
 nowadays as parents say. From
this
 writer's experience,
this
 is more
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 for
children
 to be similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 system.
This
 is because they should know how to talk with strange people and learn some basic skills in real life.
Moreover
, preparing for the future is necessary to be successful in studies and go around a new community that can create their personality.
Therefore
, I suppose that
children
 should be particular in
school
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
. Clearly,
this
 essay has shown that the main factors which impact
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education are future prospects and learning key skills.
Therefore
, learning at an early
age
 is more suitable than others.
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this idea.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points to enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence and flow.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and phrases to maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
Make sure to address both views more evenly before stating your opinion.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively convey the writer's stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • learning disabilities
  • natural development
  • family bonding
  • competitive edge
  • formal education
  • Scandinavian countries
  • academic performance
  • balanced approach
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