Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#experts #country #wealth #citizens

There is a common belief among experts that if a rich nation's government make any attempts to improve the financial

wealth

, it will not have any more effects in terms of the citizens' satisfaction.

However

this

writer disagrees with

this

because of the comparison between individuals and the misinformation stemming from the wage gap.

To begin

with, it is vital to consider the characteristics of humans

such

as competitiveness. It is obvious that individuals will not be happy with what they have, they will compare themselves with

people

around them to see if they are wealthier or not;

therefore

, desire

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

more. Because of that, enforcing alternation for an increase in economic

wealth

to boost individuals' income is a must for authorities in order to maintain their communities' happiness. Take Vietnamese residents as a contextual example, richness competitions are pretty popular in Vietnam because

people

are envious

with

Change preposition

show examples

each other, they often measure their wages and worth to see who is richer.

Furthermore

, it

also

must be acknowledged that the wage gap can lead to misinformation. Having a rich country does not

means

Correct subject-verb agreement

mean

show examples

everyone is rich, there are some differences in the salary between distinct groups of a society. To be more specific, some

people

might earn a fortune

whereas

some just earn a little money enough for their survival.

Overtime

Correct your spelling

Over time

show examples

, the worth disparity starts to become greater and greater and results in a general statistic about the country's

wealth

which is completely false.

Thus

, assuming that the whole nation is affluent through a simplified view and not making improvements in the financial

wealth

is a serious mistake.

For instance

, since India has a vast number of billionaires,

people

sometimes mistake that India is wealthy but in fact, the majority of its population

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

to live in slums. In conclusion, competitiveness and misinformation are the contributors to the

unsatisfaction

Replace the word

dissatisfaction

show examples

among residents.

Hence

this

essay has given clear points to demonstrate the author's disagreement

Change preposition

with

show examples

experts' opinion

about

Change preposition

that

show examples

rich

countries

Change noun form

countries'

country's

show examples

increase

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

economic value

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

unnecessary.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Fri May 24 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to address the prompt more directly in the introduction, clearly stating your overall position on the topic and outlining the main points you will discuss.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs to make your argument more coherent. Consider using more transition words and phrases to clearly connect your ideas.

task achievement

Ensure that each main point is thoroughly developed and supported with specific examples. Try to provide more detailed explanations and relevant examples to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Focus on maintaining a clear and consistent structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should have a specific focus and contribute to building your overall argument.

coherence cohesion

You have a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in clearly conveying your ideas.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your argument.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples, such as those from Vietnam and India, which help to support your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

334 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?