IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people judge success solely by money and material possessions. however, success can be achieved or measured in other ways. What are your opinion about this subject?

#people #judge #success #money #possessions
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Real
success
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 is not the way
people
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 think.
Success
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 is an accomplishment of something important in
people
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's lives. The majority of humans consider
success
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 as a way of accumulating resources but others have a different approach to wealth. In my opinion,
success
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 can be realized in terms of personal, social, and environmental achievement. One important achievement in life is personal.
People
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 work hard to become successful in the future by undertaking some projects. these activities, if realized can have a meaningful change in their lives.
For instance
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, some students who aim to become doctors or engineers are very proud of their achievements when it happens. Another great realization is social accomplishment. Some individuals fight for some social causes. They can take some initiatives to solve a problem in their community and they feel successful when
people
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 are freed from the problem.
For example
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, some
people
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 mobilize their peers in their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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 to clean the streets. whenever the inhabitants feel happy about these actions, they feel successful.
Finally
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, Many
people
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 across the world have decided to struggle for the environment. They created some organizations to fight effectively against the industries that pollute. Sometimes the Governments support their actions and enforce some laws to solve the problem.
This
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 change makes them successful
people
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. In conclusion, materials are not the only cause of
success
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 but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 be defined in terms of personal, social, and environmental achievement.
Submitted by ibamba88 on

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Introduction
You need a clearer and more structured introduction. Provide more relevant background information and clearly state your thesis.
Coherence
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Use transition words or phrases to make the essay more cohesive.
Development
Develop your main points in more detail. Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments.
Paragraph Structure
Make sure each paragraph addresses a single main idea and is well-developed with adequate examples and explanations.
Content
Your essay touches on various dimensions of success beyond material possessions, which adds depth to your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reiterates the thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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