Many students choose to study at colleges and universities that are far away from the places where they grew up. Do the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks?

A great deal of college and
university
students
consider studying far away from their hometown a good choice.
Although
choosing to
study
at colleges or universities in a quite different region or far away from their
home
may cost them more expenses, I believe that the benefits are more because that might give
students
opportunities to self-practice to be more perfect
as well as
to build new
relationships
which may be useful for their
future
. Studying in a college or
university
distant from
home
might incur additional costs for
students
. They must pay for
rental
Replace the word
rent
show examples
and food, which is free if they
study
at
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
campuses near their
home
.
For instance
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
university
students
in Viet Nam spend an average of 200-300 USD per month for room rental and food if they choose to
study
at colleges in big cities, not in their hometown.
Nevertheless
, attending a
university
in a big city
that is
far away from their countryside may not only give them chances to grow up through self-solving problems in their life but
also
to make new friends that might be useful for their
future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Living distant from their
home
and their parents supply
students
occasions
Change preposition
with occasions
show examples
to consider and make choices independently and
thus
,
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them to develop and become more perfect after failures, studying and
practice
Wrong verb form
practising
show examples
problem
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
show examples
skills solving, attempts and success. Another benefit that
students
might get is that they can have more time to make new friends or build new
relationships
that may be beneficial in their
future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. When living in a new environment,
students
will have chances to go to clubs or extra classes
as well as
join in different activities and meet new people that may give them opportunities to develop soon or later.
For example
, some of my mentees left their hometown to
study
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
college degree in a big city and had some quality
relationships
while
living there which benefited them a lot in their later business. In conclusion, despite living far from
home
to
study
at a
university
may have some disadvantages
such
as
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
food and rental, I think the benefits outweigh the detrimental effects because the
students
will develop their living skills more quickly
as well as
have more good
relationships
to be successful in the
future
.
Submitted by hoangdaosales on

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task achievement
Your task response is generally good. You have addressed the topic effectively, weighing the benefits and drawbacks of studying far from home. However, try to better integrate your examples into your arguments to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, some sections could transition more smoothly. Pay attention to the flow between paragraphs and ideas. Linking words and phrases could be used more effectively to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, with clear statements of your position.
task achievement
Your points are generally well-supported with specific examples, such as the cost breakdown for students in Vietnam and anecdotes about your mentees.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and easy to follow, making it clear for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural sensitivity
  • personal growth
  • adaptability
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • specialized programs
  • networking
  • career opportunities
  • homesickness
  • cultural shock
  • financial strain
  • accommodation
  • cost of living
  • family relationships
  • emotional challenges
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