IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people claim that every lawbreaker should be imprisoned,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 believe that there are better ways to handle criminals. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will interpret both perspectives and contend in favour of the latter. On the one hand, those who advocate for imprisonment argue that the stricter the punishment becomes, the less the crime occurs. To be specific, when lawbreakers are locked away from the community, they are deprived of re-offending.
For example
Linking Words
, a notable study conducted by Korea University in 2011 revealed that countries with strong punishments like imprisonment were likely to have low crime rates.
In addition
Linking Words
, the experts concluded that the threat of serving a prison sentence may deter
others
Use synonyms
 from breaking the law.
Moreover
Linking Words
, jails provide an opportunity for rehabilitation as inmates can be educated through various programs and
thus
Linking Words
, easily reintegrate into associations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
others
Use synonyms
 contend that alternatives like community service, probation, fines, or counselling can be more favourable ways to deal with felons.
For instance
Linking Words
, by undertaking community service, offenders can repay their debt to nations and contribute positively to the public.
This
Linking Words
 not only benefits those directly involved but
also
Linking Words
 sends a message to civilizations that there are consequences for legal actions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, imprisoning all criminals is highly ineffective, as it is a waste of money. It is true that it requires a lot of budget and widened space to manage the accommodation. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some individuals say that all culprits should be sent to prison,
others
Use synonyms
 believe that it is not always the best solution.
However
Linking Words
, I think that a mitigated approach is crucial as every solution is advantageous.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents well-developed ideas on both sides of the argument. However, it could benefit from a stronger and more specific conclusion that clearly reiterates your opinion and main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear, and you effectively outline the two perspectives, but try to enhance the conclusion with a more specific summary of the main arguments and reinforce your stance.
task achievement
You provide a clear and balanced discussion of both viewpoints, with relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized and easy to follow, with a logical flow of ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: