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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries.

#crime #rate #teenagers #countries
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In many countries, the
crime
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 cases committed by young people profoundly increased.
This
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 essay will outline some reasons for
this
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as well as
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 suggest some solutions. One of the main causes of committing
crime
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 among those under the age of eighteen may be economic
pressure
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.
This
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 means that financial strain within the family can lead to feelings of desperation or a lack of opportunities for
teenagers
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. Adolescents from low-income families may have restricted access to constructive activities,
such
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 as educational resources and extracurricular programs.
Thus
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, socioeconomic factors
such
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 as poverty, and unemployment, not only increase the likelihood of
teenagers
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 engaging in criminal acts
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 create a gap between family members.
This
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 shows that financial
pressure
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 can have a negative impact on youngsters. Another reason could be peer influence, which means that
teenagers
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 are often influenced by their peers to engage in risky or criminal behaviour. Peer
pressure
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 may push
teenagers
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 to participate in illegal activities, including shoplifting, theft, and using illegal drugs, to perhaps gain acceptance and respect within their social circles.
This
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 excessive
pressure
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 from peers even might jeopardize their future. A possible solution to reduce the
crime
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 rate among
teenagers
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 would be financial assistance from the government. In order to decrease
crime
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 in the country, authorities could identify poor people and budget for them.
As a result
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, if adolescents realise the support of the government, they are likely to avoid criminal acts.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 can be solved by more supervision from parents. They can help
teenagers
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 stay away from criminal activities by counselling and providing positive alternatives. In conclusion, economic
pressure
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 and peer
pressure
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 have led to increased criminal behaviour among adolescents.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be dealt with if the government budgets for the lower- class in society and fathers and mothers supervise children more.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

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clear comprehensive ideas
To improve the clarity of your ideas, consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones. This will make your essay easier to follow.
relevant specific examples
Providing more specific examples can enrich your arguments and make your essay more convincing. For instance, you could mention particular programs or policies that have successfully reduced youth crime in other countries.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples. This will strengthen the logical flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
complete response
The essay addresses both causes and solutions, providing a complete response to the prompt.
logical structure
Your ideas are generally well-organized and linked, making the essay coherent.
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