IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about measures to ensure
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, whether imposing stricter penalties for driving offenses is the only
way
Use synonyms
 to protect people is still a controversial issue.
Although
Linking Words
 I agree that harsher punishments can act as an effective
way
Use synonyms
 to deter people from committing
road
Use synonyms
 offences, I believe that there are better methods to protect the welfare of
road
Use synonyms
 users.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the implementation of rules can act as a deterrent to would-be lawbreakers.
For example
Linking Words
, in Vietnam, a motorist not wearing a helmet can be fined $20 to $40, and
thus
Linking Words
 he will be in fear of facing
further
Linking Words
 punishment and avoid committing another offence.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, more stringent punishments for traffic crimes can be an efficient
way
Use synonyms
 to reduce traffic accidents.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the past, China witnessed a significant number of annual
road
Use synonyms
 casualties when it had very loosely enforced regulations.
However
Linking Words
, once harsher laws related to
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
 were implemented in 2009, there was a notable reduction in the total number of traffic accidents.
This
Linking Words
 is not to say that only by using stricter rules can we enhance the
safety
Use synonyms
 of our roads. It is true that there are still other effective measures to ensure people’s
safety
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as heightening people’s awareness through the media about the consequences of committing driving offenses
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or promoting the use of public transport systems
such
Linking Words
 as buses or trains. To achieve the best results, the most effective method may be to combine all the aforementioned ideas. In conclusion, I believe that stricter punishments are not the only
way
Use synonyms
 to deal with minimizing driving offences. Measures, including raising people’s awareness and promoting the use of public transport systems, can
also
Linking Words
 contribute to maintaining
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic, and you provide relevant examples and ideas to support your arguments. To add more depth, consider incorporating additional data or evidence from different regions or studies. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is very good, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for even smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the situation in Vietnam and China, strengthens your argument and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: