IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Scientist agree that many eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some think that this problem can be solved by educating people while others believe education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientist #junk #food #health #think #people #education #work
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Owing to the problem which nowadays more people are using too much fast
food
instead
 of individuals suggest the solution is
edutating
Correct your spelling
educating
education
 citizens. During
this
 essay, the writer will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 and will outline the main reasons
how
Correct word choice
why
show examples
this
 can be achieved. It is vital to understand that using a
lot
 of fattening
foods
 can make you become
overwieght
Correct your spelling
overweight
,
also
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 has a
lot
 of disadvantages. In Vietnam,
also
 some countries will have a job for reviewing the
food
 or tasting a
lot
 of
foods
 on
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
. These individuals may not be known that junk
food
 can be detrimental to their health
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 cancer, heart attack, high blood pressure, etc.
Annother
Correct your spelling
Another
 point worth consideration
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that junk
food
 can add more energy,
give
Correct word choice
and give
show examples
 us the sense of being full, but it
also
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us obese because of so much lipid, protein and
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
access calories. It can be observed that fast
foods
 are sometimes helpful to us when we do not have more time to prepare
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 meal, but citizens are certainly about
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 fattening
foods
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
too much. From my perspective, it is crucial that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 tax healthy
foods
 or increase the cost, so that a
lot
 of people do not have more money to buy
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. What is more, if someone
love
Change the verb form
loves
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 so much, you cannot detect them, despite still
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 the old cost.
Taing
Correct your spelling
Taking
show examples
 everything into account, junk
food
 will have both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advantages and disadvantages so individuals need to stop it right now, we can use it once or two times a week.
Hence
, the writer helps us to discuss both sides
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the issue of fattening
food
 and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 route way options.
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task achievement
To strengthen your task response, ensure you fully address both views and provide a balanced analysis. Clearly state your opinion and back it up with specific examples and details.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas and ensure logical progression.
language use
Work on grammar and vocabulary to reduce errors and enhance clarity. Improving the variety and accuracy of language used will make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed, which helps guide the reader.
task achievement
You attempted to discuss both views, fulfilling the basic requirement of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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