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Band 4.5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have more become more independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #individuals
Nowadays, it is said that each person depends much more on the other.
However
, it is argued that everyone increasingly become independent. The writer of
this
 essay believes many
people
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 and more independent. It must be understood that
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
 crowd have to adapt strongly to develop society in the present day. Community is more and more developing, cause to the requirement of qualification in
work
 or education is higher
as well as
 better.
Therefore
,
people
 often depend on
the
Correct your spelling
each
show examples
 other to help them finish
work
 or exercise more quickly.
Lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
Leads
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 deeply dependence problem.
On the other hand
, some person has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 confident
willed
Replace the word
will
show examples
 and they would like to develop by themselves. In education,
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 environment often appears in
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
, most of the gifted
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
. Every student always tries their best to get
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 score.
Lead to the
Verb problem
The
show examples
 independence is seem an important item
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each student. In
work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace
show examples
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 is the more competitive area employers
also
work
 or conduct
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research. As I see it, to be honest when I said the majority of
people
 depend on the other one to
work
 or study daily.
As all
Correct word choice
All
show examples
people
 rather enjoy
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 than
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
, even finishing the
work
 without challenges or industry.
Moreover
, they wish could promote through any difficulty.
For example
, the
home
Correct your spelling
homework
show examples
work
is need
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 to be finished, which
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
show examples
 often
copy
Replace the word
copies
show examples
 or
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 great,
then
 they borrow their friends to finish. Taking everything into account, not all of the young nowadays keep their mind based on others but generally, there is a tendency to appear in the new generation. Hopefully, favourable conditions on social media can create more opportunities for adolescents in order to develop themselves

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Work on developing your points more thoroughly. Provide clearer explanations and specific examples to support your main arguments.
introduction conclusion
Make sure the introduction sets a clear context for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points while presenting your opinion clearly.
general
Revise your sentences for grammatical correctness and clarity. This will help enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the topic, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
introduction conclusion
You have presented an introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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