MANY PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD USE SOCIAL MEDIA EVERYDAY TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH PEOPLE AND GET NEW EVENTS. DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?
Nowadays, with the development of
technology
, people
have many ways to keep contact with their relationships and access information and the most popular method is that they use social networking sites. This
writer believes that the benefits of using social media outweigh the drawbacks.
The most advantageous factor is that it can connect with people
around the world. In other words
, people
can communicate or keep in touch with others from near to far away. For examples
, in the past, many Fix the agreement mistake
example
people
wrote letters by hand and waited for a fews
days to receive their messages from their relationships. But now we use smartphones that Correct your spelling
few
has
lots of apps to interact with others Change the verb form
have
such
as facetime
for calling Capitalize word
Facetime
some one
, messages for texting.
Another key consideration is that it is very convenient in our job, studying and life. It must be recognized that many machines Correct your spelling
someone
such
as robots can help humans do housework, do heavy jobs or calculate some had
math that can help many Unnecessary verb
apply
joobs
as Correct your spelling
jobs
achievementist
. Correct your spelling
achievements
As a result
, helps our life more exactly and quickly, also
develops our society more modern in the future.
Correct word choice
and also
However
, using technology
too much also
has negative aspects which are harmful to people
's health. This
may make our eyes weaker and our bones of handback can be affected badly. If we use lots of equipment technology
. It is very terrible if we sit for a long time and not do exercise, our health will be
decrease and lead Unnecessary verb
apply
an
unhealthy lifestyle.
In conclusion, Change preposition
to an
technology
has lots of benefits for humans in everytime
. Replace the word
every time
Besides
, it also
has more disadvantages that will be harmful to our live
.Replace the word
lives
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, but there is room to improve the logical flow between ideas. Try to enhance the transitions between sections to make your argument more cohesive.
task achievement
Make sure each main point is thoroughly supported with specific and relevant examples. This will improve the depth of your argument and make it more compelling.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to fix minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This will enhance the overall clarity and readability of your text.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion is well-stated, be careful about broad generalizations. Try to summarize your main points more precisely.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of social media use, showing a balanced perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.