Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other.Other believe people have become more independent.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The majority of
people
often think that
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
are becoming dependent
while
others think that
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
are turning
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
independent.
This
author will discuss both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
and give my own opinion. It must be understood that folk
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
becoming dependent on each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
This
means
people
want to get the result immediately so they are obsessed with the speed
as well as
they want to make everything simple in order not to work hard or think.
Therefore
,become useless and do not have any
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
For example
,some juniors do not want to think or use their mind,they will ask their friend or the teacher even
the
Correct word choice
if the
show examples
question is simple and basic to get the answer immediately.
However
,it can
be say
Change the verb form
be said
show examples
that individuals are becoming
dependent
Correct quantifier usage
more dependent
show examples
than before.
In other words
,they can self-earning
as well as
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
knowledge about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
finance and how to do everything by themselves.
Consequently
,become independent and get many
experience
Change to a plural noun
experiences
show examples
about life and
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
.Take many students in high school
for instance
,
due to
the school
far
Add a missing verb
being far
show examples
from their house
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have to live
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
house is rented to be
easy in
Replace the word
easily
show examples
educate
Wrong verb form
educated
show examples
at
this
school.They have to do everything alone,learn to
self-caring
Correct your spelling
self-care
show examples
and
cooking
Replace the word
cook
show examples
.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,some of them
are find
Change the verb form
find
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
like
waiter
Fix the agreement mistake
waiters
show examples
and
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
to earn
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
and pay for the house
is rented
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. From my point of view,I believe that
people
are becoming dependent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.It is a negative impact on the growth of the
childen
Correct your spelling
children
and the
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
of the countries. In conclusion,the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
in the present day are becoming dependent on
people
.
Hence
it can make them lose their critical thinking
as well as
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In the introduction, make sure to clearly state both perspectives and briefly mention your own opinion. This sets a clear roadmap for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph deals with a single idea. This improves the logical flow and clarity of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more context and explanation. This helps strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Review your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This enhances readability and coherence.
task achievement
You have touched upon both perspectives, showing an understanding of the question.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to illustrate your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: