IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

STUDENTS SHOULD PAY THE FULL COST FOR THEIR OWN STUDY, BECAUSE UNIVERSITY EDUCATION BENEFITS INDIVIDUALS RATHER THAN SOCIETY. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

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Many people believe that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 ought to pay
full
Add an article
the full
a full
show examples
Use synonyms
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 during their
studying
Change the form of the verb
studies
show examples
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
 the priority of university education is individuals
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 society. The writer
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay will illustrate the reasons why. It can be understood that nowadays the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
college
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is increasing. Because of
this
Linking Words
 lead to the requirement of
school
Use synonyms
 cost risen.
However
Linking Words
, not every
families
Change to a singular noun
family
show examples
 have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to afford
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if your family let you study in a private
school
Use synonyms
 they will think about the cost before
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
apply
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
 but if you study in a public
school
Use synonyms
 with the results you gained to apply for that
school
Use synonyms
 and you still have to pay
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the cost of private
school
Use synonyms
 it will not fair.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some students try to study to get
schorlarships
Correct your spelling
scholarships
instead
Linking Words
 of paying
Use synonyms
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
. If
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have to pay
full
Add an article
the full
show examples
fee
Use synonyms
, the
schorlarships
Correct your spelling
scholarships
scholarship
 are not valuable. Another point worth is that the full
fee
Use synonyms
 helps
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 a lot in upgrading or
supports for
Replace the word
supporting
show examples
 the facilities in
school
Use synonyms
 and it can
get
Verb problem
make
show examples
 the environment better.
This
Linking Words
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 true but the students will get
pressure
Wrong verb form
pressured
show examples
 for
money
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to problems that they want to earn
money
Use synonyms
 to help their families and they will lose
balance
Add an article
the balance
show examples
 between manage timetable and studying.
For instance
Linking Words
, a student has to do both works to make
money
Use synonyms
 and maintain good grades so if they have
eperiences
Correct your spelling
experience
 they can do it but rarely because most of the time they are focusing on studying not making
money
Use synonyms
 in university. As a final observation, the alternative of paying
full
Add an article
the full
a full
show examples
fee
Use synonyms
 is considered. It might
helpful
Add a missing verb
be helpful
show examples
 with the schools but with
students
Add a comma
students,
show examples
 it will make a big pressure and the quality of
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 will decrease.

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task achievement
The response covers the task, but the argumentation could be clearer and more comprehensive. For example, the essay discusses financial difficulties but doesn't fully explore how paying full fees might impact students' futures or societal benefits.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by better organizing ideas into clear and separate paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single point, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
task achievement
Enhance main points with more specific and relevant examples. Clearer examples can make arguments stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and reaffirms your stance. Currently, it doesn't fully tie back to the points discussed in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear attempt to structure the essay with an introduction and body paragraphs.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
What to do next:
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