Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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There are many
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

get
Correct pronoun usage
who get

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones

The word smart phones seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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, increasing on hours
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

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spent
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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every day. I personally think that
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should not
spending
Change the verb form
spend
be spending

The verb spending after the modal verb should does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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too much
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on
smartphones
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

because it can
causes
Change the verb form
cause

The verb causes after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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many drawbacks
tot hem
Correct your spelling
to them

The word tot hem doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in many aspects,
described
Correct word choice
as described

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons

The singular countable noun reason follows the quantifier one, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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why many
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

cling on with their
smartphones
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is parents left them with the
screen
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

or
smartphones
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Following
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can only interact with
is
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb is appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
the internet and social media whether it is for kids
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube

The word youtube doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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,
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok

If you don’t want tiktok to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram

If you don’t want instagram to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

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.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the worst reason is that parents
are not monitor
Change the verb form
do not monitor

It appears that the form of the verb monitor does not work with are in this sentence.

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and limit the
screen
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of their kids,
lead
Wrong verb form
leading

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb lead. Consider changing it.

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the
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to frustrated and uneasy
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings

It seems that feeling may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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when they cannot check their social media, called
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

smartphones
Change the noun form
smartphone

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of smartphones. Consider changing it to singular.

show examples
addiction
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I personally think that the
addiction
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
smartphones
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can
causes
Change the verb form
cause

The verb causes after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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some drawbacks to their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies

It seems that body may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds

It seems that mind may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, looking at the
screen
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for a long
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

affects
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the eyesight.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the way
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

look down and bend their
back
Fix the agreement mistake
backs

It seems that back may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

using phones can lead to bad
postures
Fix the agreement mistake
posture

It seems that postures may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, insomnia
tend
Change the verb form
tends

The plural verb tend does not appear to agree with the singular subject insomnia. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to occur in some
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who
had
Wrong verb form
have

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb had. Consider changing it.

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bad
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits

It seems that habit may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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from
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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spending
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on phones.
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

smartphones
Change the noun form
smartphone

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of smartphones. Consider changing it to singular.

show examples
addiction
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

affects
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds

It seems that mind may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
. For illustrate,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who get addicted will have less focus on their real
lift
Correct your spelling
life

The word lift doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, lower interacting and isolating. Sticking with
lift
Correct your spelling
life

The word lift doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in virtual can
causes
Wrong verb form
cause

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb causes. Consider changing it.

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depressed
Replace the word
depression

The word depressed doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and lower self-esteem by comparing themselves to other friends online.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
addiction
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
smartphones
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

caused
Add a missing verb
is caused

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

show examples
by uncontrolled
screen
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and it not only
cause
Verb problem
has

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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influence
to
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
body
Correct article usage
the body

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
but mind.

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task achievement
Ensure that you fully respond to all portions of the prompt. You have discussed why children spend time on smartphones and the negative effects, but you could briefly address whether there are any potential positive aspects (even if you ultimately disagree).
task achievement
Your main points are clear, but they can be more thoroughly developed. Try to provide specific examples to back up your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more transition words to guide the reader through your points. For example, words like 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'therefore' can help.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas seem disconnected. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The issues discussed are relevant to the topic, and the essay sticks to the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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