Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There are many
children
get
addicted to Correct pronoun usage
who get
the
Correct article usage
apply
smart phones
, increasing on hours Correct your spelling
smartphones
are
spent Unnecessary verb
apply
on
every day. I personally think that Change preposition
apply
children
should not spending
too much Change the verb form
spend
be spending
time
on smartphones
because it can causes
many drawbacks Change the verb form
cause
tot hem
in many aspects, Correct your spelling
to them
described
in the following paragraphs.
Correct word choice
as described
To begin
with, one of the reason
why many Change to a plural noun
reasons
children
cling on with their smartphones
is parents left them with the screen
or smartphones
. Following
this
, the children
can only interact with is
the internet and social media whether it is for kids Unnecessary verb
apply
such
as youtube
, Correct your spelling
YouTube
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
and
Correct word choice
apply
instagram
. Change the capitalization
Instagram
Additionally
, the worst reason is that parents are not monitor
and limit the Change the verb form
do not monitor
screen
time
of their kids, lead
the Wrong verb form
leading
children
to frustrated and uneasy feeling
when they cannot check their social media, called Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
smartphones
Change the noun form
smartphone
addiction
.
I personally think that the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
smartphones
in children
can causes
some drawbacks to their Change the verb form
cause
body
and Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
mind
. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Firstly
, looking at the screen
for a long time
affects to
the eyesight. Change preposition
apply
Secondly
, the way children
look down and bend their back
Fix the agreement mistake
backs
while
using phones can lead to bad postures
. Fix the agreement mistake
posture
Moreover
, insomnia tend
to occur in some Change the verb form
tends
children
who had
bad Wrong verb form
have
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
from
spending Change preposition
of
time
on phones. Finally
, smartphones
Change the noun form
smartphone
addiction
affects children
’s mind
. For illustrate, Fix the agreement mistake
minds
children
who get addicted will have less focus on their real lift
, lower interacting and isolating. Sticking with Correct your spelling
life
lift
in virtual can Correct your spelling
life
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
depressed
and lower self-esteem by comparing themselves to other friends online.
Replace the word
depression
To conclude
, the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
smartphones
in children
caused
by uncontrolled Add a missing verb
is caused
screen
time
and it not only cause
Verb problem
has
negative
influence Correct article usage
a negative
to
Change preposition
on
body
but mind.Correct article usage
the body
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task achievement
Ensure that you fully respond to all portions of the prompt. You have discussed why children spend time on smartphones and the negative effects, but you could briefly address whether there are any potential positive aspects (even if you ultimately disagree).
task achievement
Your main points are clear, but they can be more thoroughly developed. Try to provide specific examples to back up your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more transition words to guide the reader through your points. For example, words like 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'therefore' can help.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas seem disconnected. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The issues discussed are relevant to the topic, and the essay sticks to the subject matter.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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