IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that eating meat is bad for health. do you agree or disagree?

#people #meat #health
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The
consumption
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 of
meat
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 can affect the human
health
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.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 eating too much
meat
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 can cause some illness, it is an essential type of food which we should eat on a daily basis. Studies show that too much
consumption
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 of
meat
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 could cause extremely serious
diseases
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such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and heart
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diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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. The main reason is that
meat
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 has too much fat which can increase cholesterol in
blood
Add an article
the blood
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.
Moreover
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, eating unfit
meat
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 causes stomach
diseases
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 and overweight. If someone has a diet, he should not consume products of
meat
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.
For example
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, vegetarians who don't eat
meat
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 have a lower risk of heart illness than others.
On the other hand
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,
meat
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 provides us with many beneficial elements
such
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 as vitamins, iron, and nutrients.
In addition
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, it's a great source of protein which provides
health
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 benefits for the body and improves muscle growth and maintenance. Fatty acids in
meat
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 are very essential
to treat
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for treating
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 depression and improve mental
health
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.
Moreover
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, regular
consumption
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 of
meat
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 helps to tackle sleeplessness issues because a high amount of iron supports good sleep.
Besides
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,
this
Linking Words
meat
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 can improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concentration levels and brain activities. On top of
this
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, consuming
meat
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 slows down the
aging
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ageing
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 process
due to
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 levels of selenium.
For instance
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, people who have a
meat
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 diet might seem younger than others and have less risk of heart and stomach
diseases
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. In conclusion, despite some negative effects,
meat
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 is recommended for
comsuming
Correct your spelling
consuming
 on a daily basis. Regular
consumption
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 of
meat
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 is
also
Linking Words
 believed to be beneficial for human
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay could further improve by presenting a clearer and more concise thesis statement in the introduction to clearly indicate the writer's position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that need refinement, such as 'although, eating too much meat can cause some illness' and 'it is an essential type of food which we should eat on a daily basis.' The first part of the sentence should not have a comma after 'although.'
relevant specific examples
It would be beneficial to expand on some points with more specific examples or statistical evidence to strengthen the argument further, such as providing data or studies related to meat consumption's health impacts.
task achievement
The essay shows a strong understanding of the topic and presents balanced arguments both for and against meat consumption, which demonstrates good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported within the body paragraphs, providing a logical flow of the arguments.
task achievement
Relevant vocabulary is used effectively, especially when discussing health impacts and nutritional benefits.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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