Some people think that eating meat is bad for health. do you agree or disagree?
The
consumption
of meat
can affect the human health
. Although
,
eating too much Remove the comma
apply
meat
can cause some illness, it is an essential type of food which we should eat on a daily basis. Studies show that too much consumption
of meat
could cause extremely serious diseases
such
as diabetes and heart diseases
. The main reason is that Fix the agreement mistake
disease
meat
has too much fat which can increase cholesterol in blood
. Add an article
the blood
Moreover
, eating unfit meat
causes stomach diseases
and overweight. If someone has a diet, he should not consume products of meat
. For example
, vegetarians who don't eat meat
have a lower risk of heart illness than others.
On the other hand
, meat
provides us with many beneficial elements such
as vitamins, iron, and nutrients. In addition
, it's a great source of protein which provides health
benefits for the body and improves muscle growth and maintenance. Fatty acids in meat
are very essential to treat
depression and improve mental Change preposition
for treating
health
.Moreover
, regular consumption
of meat
helps to tackle sleeplessness issues because a high amount of iron supports good sleep. Besides
, this
meat
can improve the
concentration levels and brain activities. On top of Correct article usage
apply
this
, consuming meat
slows down the aging
process Change the spelling
ageing
due to
levels of selenium. For instance
, people who have a meat
diet might seem younger than others and have less risk of heart and stomach diseases
.
In conclusion, despite some negative effects, meat
is recommended for comsuming
on a daily basis. Regular Correct your spelling
consuming
consumption
of meat
is also
believed to be beneficial for human health
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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introduction conclusion present
The essay could further improve by presenting a clearer and more concise thesis statement in the introduction to clearly indicate the writer's position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that need refinement, such as 'although, eating too much meat can cause some illness' and 'it is an essential type of food which we should eat on a daily basis.' The first part of the sentence should not have a comma after 'although.'
relevant specific examples
It would be beneficial to expand on some points with more specific examples or statistical evidence to strengthen the argument further, such as providing data or studies related to meat consumption's health impacts.
task achievement
The essay shows a strong understanding of the topic and presents balanced arguments both for and against meat consumption, which demonstrates good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported within the body paragraphs, providing a logical flow of the arguments.
task achievement
Relevant vocabulary is used effectively, especially when discussing health impacts and nutritional benefits.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion