IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

THE PROCCES SHOW PROCCES OF MAKING COCOA BEANS AND CHOCOLATE

#procces #show #cocoa #beans #chocolate
The following chart shows the way in which
cocoa
beans
 are made and turned into chocolate.
Overall
, the manufacturer includes 10 steps beginning with growing
cocoa
 trees in plantations and ending with obtaining liquid .
To begin
 with,
cocoa
 trees are grown in three regions
that is
 South America, Africa and Indonesia. There only red pods are ripped.
Then
 pods are harvested in order to take out fresh white
cocoa
beans
. Next is fermenting
beans
 leading to spreading them in the sun in order to dry them. Half-prepared products are distributed into large sacks by using scales. After that 50 percent of the work is done in the process
beans
 are transported by train or lorry to be delivered to a factory. There in baking
beans
 are roasted at 360 degrees Celsius Fahrenheit. Afterwards,
beans
 are separated into crushed and outer shell removed
beans
. The manufacture ends with making liquid.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your essay contains all the necessary steps in the process of making cocoa beans and chocolate. However, some explanations are unclear, and the use of language could be improved for better clarity. For instance, the phrase '50 percent of the work is done in the process' is vague and could be rephrased to provide more specific information.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat clear, but it could benefit from better organization and linking words to improve the flow. For example, use more transitional phrases like 'following this,' 'afterwards,' or 'subsequently.'
task achievement
You have successfully included most of the steps required to produce cocoa beans and chocolate.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction that provides an overview of the process, which helps set the stage for the details that follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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