An increasing number of people of all ages are getting information from electronic products, and some people tend to argue printed books as well as magazines are no longer needed. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the modern world, everyone can acquire information from their devices
such
as iPhones through the internet. The majority of individuals of all ages utilize the online platform for seeking knowledge rather than books or daily
magazines
. I strongly agree with
this
statement. My opinion will be illustrated in the following paragraph.
To begin
with,
people
can receive data whenever they are required by just typing in search engines
such
as Google and Safari. Electronic devices make information easier
accessible
Correct word choice
and accessible
show examples
anytime and anywhere, and
this
can help to decrease the greenhouse house or climate change caused by cutting trees and using the amount of water
that is
used in printed books or
magazines
.
For example
, my mom used to read daily news in the morning so she used her phone to search the news on Google
instead
of buying
magazines
.
Although
, Digital consumption of information is considered more environmentally friendly compared to printed materials. E-books and online
magazines
can be cheaper than their printed counterparts, and some digital resources are eventually free, so they might be suitable for
people
who have low incomes.
For instance
, the student does not have a salary, but he wants to buy manga to read;
otherwise
,
this
leads to digital e-books that have manga for free.
To sum up
, Electronic devices can be more convenient for
people
who do not want to spend less money and time.
In addition
, I think that in the future
people
could use electronic products
instead
of books and
magazines
and will be less than now.
Submitted by napatnp18065322 on

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task achievement
While your essay effectively introduces the topic and states your opinion, it would benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Try to add more varied examples to support your points better.
coherence and cohesion
To improve clarity and cohesiveness, make sure each paragraph contains a single, clear main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could be split into two separate points: environmental benefits and cost benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to avoid minor grammatical errors and ensure your sentences flow smoothly. For example, instead of 'using the amount of water that is used in printed books or magazines,' you could say 'the large amount of water required for producing printed books and magazines.'
task achievement
The introduction is clear and you effectively state your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance on the issue.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Environmentally friendly
  • Cost-effective
  • Tactile experience
  • Screen fatigue
  • Credibility
  • Rigorous editing
  • Fact-checking
  • Overhead costs
  • Physical storage space
  • Updated instantaneously
  • Remote areas
  • Prolonged screen time
  • Digital consumption
  • Paper waste
  • Tactile experience
  • Eye strain
  • Reliability
  • Misleading
  • Digital devices
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