IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #attention
Advertisements
 are no longer unfamiliar things to
people
 around the world in
this
 day and age.
While
 some persistently cling to the notion that it is an effective way of promoting products,
however
, I hold the opposing idea that it is quite annoying. On the one hand, the reason for the fact that why companies and a group of
people
 believe that advertising is a wise method in marketing is because it is commendably easy as pie to get the country dwellers to know the product. Representing products is no longer a complicated process for businesses, especially with the help of modern technology which is a part of today's world compared to the past.
For instance
, adding
advertisements
 in the middle of the video
as well as
 before or after it can get the attention of viewers to the things that suddenly appear to them which newspapers in the old world could not. What is more is that if the same scenario happens repeatedly, it can impress on
people
's minds and persuade them to seek out information about the products and occasionally make purchases of items.
On the other hand
, inevitable
advertisements
 can be incredibly annoying when they interrupt viewer research
as well as
 emotion.
This
 can be seen clearly when workers namely office workers or students are interrupted
while
 looking for information and ads can become disturbing factors and slow down the process of finding information
as a result
. As for the latter, when
people
 are putting their mind into a movie or feeling the beats of a song, inconsecutiveness emotion can be caused by a sudden advertisement that popped up out of nowhere which is hugely annoying. In conclusion,
advertisements
 can be a great way to represent commodities with a majority of
people
,
however
, I agree with the group of
people
 who dislike them.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you address both views in a balanced manner. While the essay addresses both perspectives, providing more depth for each will strengthen your response.
task achievement
Clarify some of the essay’s points. For instance, the idea about advertisements impressing on people's minds could be elaborated with examples or data.
coherence and cohesion
Work on maintaining a logical flow of ideas. Transition phrases and better segmenting of ideas within paragraphs can lead to improved coherence.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to support your main points effectively. Detailed and specific examples can make your arguments more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion which clearly present your standpoint.
task achievement
You successfully address both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach.
task achievement
The main points are generally clear and relevant to the topic, providing a solid foundation for your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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