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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below show percentages of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below show percentages of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #water #sectors #sydney #australia #information #features #comparisons
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These pie charts provide information about
water
Use synonyms
usage
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 in various sectors in Sydney, from 1997 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the food
industry
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sector
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 used so much
water
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, and
water
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usage
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 was low in building sectors in both periods. The service
industry
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sector
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 percentage increased slightly in the second chart. The food
industry
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 was almost the biggest one in using
water
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 in both periods, at 48 and 41 per
cent
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 respectively.
Water
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usage
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 for manufacturing was 15 per
cent
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 in 1997,
then
Linking Words
 it decreased slightly to 11 per
cent
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 in the following year.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
water
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usage
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 for the household
sector
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 was
also
Linking Words
 the biggest one in both charts, and it stood at 19
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 21
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively in 1997 and 2007. The service
industry
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sector
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 accounted for 13 per
cent
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 in 1997, and it experienced a big increase, to 25 per
cent
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 in 2007.
Also
Linking Words
,
water
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usage
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 for the building
industry
Use synonyms
 accounted for 5%,
then
Linking Words
 it fell to 2% in 2007.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, usage, industry, sector, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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