IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' •To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?

#people #media #networks* #fall #career #development #opportunities #•to #prediction
In the current era of society, the role of social
media
 is indispensable and the people who do not use it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 may face dire
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
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 in the form of the growth of their professions. I strongly agree with
this
 statement because without social
media
 usage, individuals may not
able
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be able
show examples
 to present their abilities and they may not access the data of a wide area of market.
This
 essay will delve deeper into these points in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are multifarious reasons why it is essential to use social
media
 platforms. Primarily, if individuals want to present their abilities to the world, they can make pages on social websites.
For example
, a painstaking survey conducted by The Guardian Newspaper in March 2015, published that no sooner did professionals make their profile with their pragmatic visual and pictorial experiences on
facebook
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Facebook
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 and
twitter
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Twitter
show examples
 than they got numerous job invitations from international companies.
This
 is because nowadays even most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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job consultants require
such
 social
media
 accounts to add
in
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to in
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 job
profile
Fix the agreement mistake
profiles
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, which can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
to
Verb problem
apply
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find
out
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apply
show examples
the most potential workers.
Thus
, the absence of a better social
media
 profile can be perilous to grab the zenith of
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
 career.
Furthermore
,
a
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the
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 benefit of social networking apps for accessing wide area market data can never be undermined. To elucidate, if professionals
has
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have
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 a high aspiration for their development, they may require more details of international demand and supply trends
as well as
 the technological changes. To exemplify, World Trade
Oraganization
Correct your spelling
Organization
, a
UK based
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UK-based
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 department, stated in its annual report in May 2018 that 45% of professionals had been occupying more jobs than others since they started using social communication websites for gathering advanced knowledge.
This
 is clear that they update their skills by checking these networks timely and
acquire
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acquiring
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 a great knowledge of
customers
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customers'
customer's
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demand
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demands
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.
Thus
, those people who do not try using
such
effective
Correct article usage
an effective
show examples
 method,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may have to satisfy themselves
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lower rate of professional growth.
To conclude
, it is unequivocal that without the usage of
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 web, not only can individuals not present themselves in a distinctive way, but they
also
 can not get the required information
of
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on
show examples
 current market trends to gear up their professional growth.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay could benefit from varying sentence structures to enhance readability and maintain reader interest. Consider using a mix of complex and simple sentences.
Task Achievement
There are a few minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasing. Proofreading for grammar and clarity can help improve this.
Task Achievement
Add a few more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments and create a more compelling essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents a clear stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
The inclusion of examples, such as the survey by The Guardian and the report by the World Trade Organization, helps to support the main points.
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