IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since the internet has widely replaced their function. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#libraries #waste #money #internet #function
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In the modern day, all
information
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such
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 as
books
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, videos, and news now appears widely on the
internet
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 and can easily be accessed by people around the world.
As a result
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, some individuals believe that it is unnecessary to keep public
libraries
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 when they can find out all the
information
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 by surfing the
internet
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. In my opinion, I totally disagree with
this
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 view and in
this
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 essay, I will provide evidence that supports my statement. First of all, going to
libraries
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 often helps people develop their discipline.
This
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 is because reading
books
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 is an activity that no ones want to do
although
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 it brings back many benefits for readers especially philosophy, so promoting themselves to read
books
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 and go to
libraries
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 will help them build their discipline.
Moreover
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, coming to community buildings
such
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 as
libraries
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 helps you extend your network.
For example
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,
while
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 reading
books
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 in the library you may have chances to communicate with some strangers and
this
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 not only improves your social skills but
also
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 your network. In comparison, It is way less difficult to gain
knowledge
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 by surfing the
internet
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instead
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 of going to public
libraries
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. To illustrate, you can easily access
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
information
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 with just one click,
whereas
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 you have to go to
libraries
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 to find more
information
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 if your house does not have any
books
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.
On the other hand
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, because it is too easy for people to access new
information
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 online, individuals may not have the motivation to gain more
knowledge
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.
For example
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, when you can achieve things too effortlessly, you will lose your desire to do it.
Last
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 but not least,
although
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 using
internet
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information
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 is way more convenient than reading
books
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, the
information
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 on the
internet
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 is too much and most of them may not be censored. To illustrate
this
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,
books
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 and many more things in public
libraries
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 have to be censored before being displayed on the shelf
while
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information
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 that appears on the
internet
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 is so easy to access that some of them are wrong. In summary, Both gaining
knowledge
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 directly and online have their own advantages. But in recent days, keeping public
libraries
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 is a necessary thing because of their benefits in socialization and individual
knowledge
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Submitted by vananhdo168 on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of staying on topic and answering the question. However, try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points clearly.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by addressing potential counterarguments. This will improve the essay's depth and persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use more transition words and phrases to connect ideas even more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are clear, make sure the points in your body paragraphs always clearly relate back to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your main points are distinct and you have addressed the topic thoroughly.
task achievement
Your essay displays a strong understanding of the topic and you have provided relevant reasons.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public libraries
  • waste of money
  • widely replaced
  • beyond
  • accessibility
  • community building
  • information resources
  • digital divide
  • inclusive
  • social hub
  • archival materials
  • lifelong learning
  • free access
  • cultural heritage
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