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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The below chart gives information the data of immigration, emigration and net migration in UK between 1999 and 2008.

The below chart gives information the data of immigration, emigration and net migration in UK between 1999 and 2008.
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The bar chart and line graph present the information including immigration, emigration, and net results of international entrances between 1999 and 2008 in the UK.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the trends of both immigrants and emigrants were almost an upward trend throughout
a
Correct article usage
the
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 decade. The total of immigration was the highest in 2004 internationally. From 2004 to 2008, the net of
people
Use synonyms
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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were
Change the verb form
was
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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higher than
last
Linking Words
 five
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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, with almost
above
Change preposition
apply
show examples
200 thousand, exception
in
Change preposition
of
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 2008 with approximately 160 thousand
people
Use synonyms
, and the sum of immigrants and emigrants reached a peak at around 250 in 2004.
Comparison
Change preposition
In comparison
show examples
 with the
last
Linking Words
 five years, there were
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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just over 150 thousand who stayed in the United Kingdom. Within a decade, the immigration was a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
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 increase from about 0.45
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 to nearly 0.6
million
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 taking out from the UK rose minimally from just above 0.3
million
Use synonyms
 to roughly 4.2
million
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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