It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals believe that in the modern days social
media
, mass
culture
and friends
are the kay
factors that impact Correct your spelling
key
on
a Change preposition
apply
children's
evolvement. Fix the agreement mistake
child's
While
, the others belive
that family has a considerable role in Correct your spelling
believe
children
's growth because family
can breed their Add an article
the family
a family
children
according to
their culture
and traditions, in my opinion
first idea has more significant effects than families because young generation would sooner get in touch with social Add the comma(s)
opinion,
media
and their friends
than family.
On the one hand, many parents try to behave well and have good communication with their children
in order to develop their children
as they want. Parents believe that having dinner with their children
or spending tiome
with them may have positive impacts on them. It can have a temporary result in Correct your spelling
time
children
treatment but these kinds of actions are not Change noun form
children's
permanently
and do not have deep influences. Change the word
permanent
For instance
, many Iranian parents try to have dinner with their children
to develop their opinion
and Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
by
communication, but young people do not pay attention to them and they evolve their Change preposition
through
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
according to
the mass
culture
. Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
prents
try to develop Correct your spelling
parents
personality
of Add an article
the personality
a personality
children
, their effort is teporary
and society has the most impact on their development.
Correct your spelling
temporary
On the other hand
, social media
, popular culture
, and friends
are thought to have deep impacts on children
's evolvement
. The majority of youngsters spend their most of Replace the word
evolution
time
with thier
Correct your spelling
their
friends
due to
they have more common in comparison with family. In addition
, they would rather treat based on trends and mass
culture
in order to show they are up to date. Moreover
, not only do they follow mass
culture
and spend time
with their friends
, but also
Correct pronoun usage
they also
the
spend most of their Correct article usage
apply
time
on social media
that
many young people try to think Correct pronoun usage
which
as
the same as influencers. Change preposition
of as
For example
, Iranian young people do different activities that become trend
in Fix the agreement mistake
trends
the
Instagram and TikTok Correct article usage
apply
media
even they
start some Correct pronoun usage
apply
business
that influencers advertise. In point of my view, young individuals develop themselves Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
trends and they are impacted by their Replace the word
societal
friends
and media
more than family
.
In conclusion, Change preposition
by family
however
, families try to impact on
their Change preposition
apply
children
and breed them based on traditions, their Correct your spelling
impacts
imacts
are minor and these are not Correct your spelling
impacts
deeply
and Change the word
deep
permanently
, Change the word
permanent
furthermore
, youngsters would rather pay attention to the mass
culture
, media
and their friends
because they find more common, as a result
, they spend more time
with them than their familySubmitted by hadadianmohamadhossein on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure to structure your essay more clearly. Use separate paragraphs for each point to make it easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Proofread your essay to avoid grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.
Task Achievement
Use more precise vocabulary and avoid repetition. For instance, the word 'influences' was repeated; try using synonyms to vary your language.
Task Achievement
While you have included examples, they can be more relevant and specific to better support your points.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly addresses both views on the topic and offers a concluding opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction presents the main topic and different viewpoints effectively.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes several relevant points and attempts to support them with examples.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.