Write about the following topic: A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In recent years, most
people
usually observe the illustration of someone
else. Someone
's belongings and social status are shown to play the main role in their life. Values like kindness, respect and trust have forgotten
. Obviously, it is a phenomenon that finds me the opposite. I believe that the value of every person is hidden in his principles and, generally, in his character.
First of all, Add a missing verb
been forgotten
people
judge by appearance because nowadays money has the most significant role in every family. I'm not sure how this
started to occur but I think lots of years passed from then
. For instance
, if someone
has a perfect look and drives a fast car, it is told by most people
that he is a successful and good person. On the other hand
, if someone
has an old car and not a good appearance, he potentially is a bad person, maybe homeless, and people
don't choose to make him a friend.
Additionally
, people
usually don't take into account someone
's character. Sometimes humans with good hearts become victims and finally
have the most pain in their lives. For example
, when someone
helps all the time others, the people
may take advantage of him and destroy him. Furthermore
, people
consider that good people
are dumb, vulnerable and clinging to them, something that does not occur.
In conclusion, I believe that society should reformulate its opinions because they are absolutely wrong. There are people
with respect and a good heart who are also
successful and they don't have a lot of things because they choose to live simply. These people
deserve to be in our friends' circle. We must stop judging from appearance.Submitted by sssssraf on
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task achievement
Try to make your main points more explicitly clear by linking them directly to the argument. Furthermore, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the thesis statement mentioned in the introduction, which is about the real value of a person being in their character and principles.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to use more linking phrases and transitional words between sentences and paragraphs. Although the essay is generally well-structured, some sections can benefit from clearer transitions to guide the reader logically from one idea to the next.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay finishes with a strong conclusion that reinforces the main argument.