IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
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In recent years, most
people
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 usually observe the illustration of
someone
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 else.
Someone
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's belongings and social status are shown to play the main role in their life. Values like kindness, respect and trust have
forgotten
Add a missing verb
been forgotten
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. Obviously, it is a phenomenon that finds me the opposite. I believe that the value of every person is hidden in his principles and, generally, in his character. First of all,
people
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 judge by appearance because nowadays money has the most significant role in every family. I'm not sure how
this
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 started to occur but I think lots of years passed from
then
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.
For instance
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, if
someone
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 has a perfect look and drives a fast car, it is told by most
people
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 that he is a successful and good person.
On the other hand
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, if
someone
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 has an old car and not a good appearance, he potentially is a bad person, maybe homeless, and
people
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 don't choose to make him a friend.
Additionally
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,
people
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 usually don't take into account
someone
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's character. Sometimes humans with good hearts become victims and
finally
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 have the most pain in their lives.
For example
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, when
someone
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 helps all the time others, the
people
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 may take advantage of him and destroy him.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 consider that good
people
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 are dumb, vulnerable and clinging to them, something that does not occur. In conclusion, I believe that society should reformulate its opinions because they are absolutely wrong. There are
people
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 with respect and a good heart who are
also
Linking Words
 successful and they don't have a lot of things because they choose to live simply. These
people
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 deserve to be in our friends' circle. We must stop judging from appearance.
Submitted by sssssraf on

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task achievement
Try to make your main points more explicitly clear by linking them directly to the argument. Furthermore, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the thesis statement mentioned in the introduction, which is about the real value of a person being in their character and principles.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to use more linking phrases and transitional words between sentences and paragraphs. Although the essay is generally well-structured, some sections can benefit from clearer transitions to guide the reader logically from one idea to the next.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay finishes with a strong conclusion that reinforces the main argument.
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