Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Check your essay on this topic Generate a band-9 sample with your idea
The
money
that Governments invest in art
,
is wasted Remove the comma
apply
money
for some people, they think that it should be invested in something different, I disagree with such
statement
, Correct article usage
a statement
art
is one of the most paceful
and harmless activities that Correct your spelling
peaceful
cityzens
could do, and it Correct your spelling
cities
express
not only the ideas and feelings from an individual but the level of education of a city or even a country.
Whit that in mind, it is important to Governments keep the Change the verb form
expresses
art
budget,
but look into the way Remove the comma
apply
this
money
is been
Wrong verb form
being
spend
, many times the corruption Change the form of the verb
spent
involve
in the process Change the form of the verb
involved
change
the feat of the investments, Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
this
spends
should follow the lead of a big plan previously created in order to reach the government vision.
Replace the word
spending
In addition
, a good portion of this
budget must be investet
in Correct your spelling
invested
art
education, this
way a big
percentage of the citizens become aware of the Correct word choice
large
magnificient
role that Correct your spelling
magnificent
art
have
been Change the verb form
has
ejectuted
in Correct your spelling
ejected
executed
the
human history, and Correct article usage
apply
as a result
bring the deserved value to the
local Correct article usage
apply
art
development
.
In
contrast
some people think that there are so many issues in a city to be Add a comma
contrast,
adressed
rather than the Correct your spelling
addressed
art
development
, such
as health an
security, but if you Correct your spelling
and
nuckle
down Correct your spelling
knuckle
buckle
in
Change preposition
on
this
matter, art
development
and everything that help
people to Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
self
Add a hyphen
self-development
development
and education give a direct impact to enhance security, and the more and better art
expressions avalable
to enjoy, the better mint health among the public.
To Correct your spelling
available
summarice
, in my Correct your spelling
summarise
summarize
opinion
Government´s investment in Add a comma
opinion,
art
is not a waste of money
, whereas
there are many issues in a city to be faced, art
is an important part of the
human Correct article usage
apply
development
, foster
Wrong verb form
fostering
art
in the locals will improve the life-level in a country and as a result
, better mental health and more security will be present.Submitted by otiyog on
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Ensure each paragraph has a single main point and that your essay follows a logical progression from point to point.
task achievement
Clarify points by providing more specific examples and explanations. Instead of making broad statements, back them up with tangible illustrations or data.
language use
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Some sentences have minor errors such as 'paceful' instead of 'peaceful,' and 'been spend' instead of 'being spent.' Correcting these will improve comprehensibility and fluency.
task achievement
Your essay covers the key aspects of the topic: importance of art, potential misuse of funds, and the counter-argument regarding other important issues.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively set up and close your argument.
content
You bring up intriguing points about the role of art in mental health, security, and education. These points contribute to a well-rounded argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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