Write about the following topic: Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. While others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#topic #people #money #celebrations #waste

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Nowadays, some people think that having a family

party

is compulsory as it is a form of gratitude because they have already achieved the milestone they wished for. Meanwhile, others believe that family celebration is not necessary since it is usually associated with luxuriousness.

As a result

, too much

money

will be wasted because of it. I argue that nothing is wrong with celebrating an event, but it is better for a family to save their

money

in case there are some incidental needs in the future. A

further

explanation of both views regarding

this

issue will be presented below.

Firstly

, people are more likely to celebrate a moment that marks a particular point they have reached in their lives,

such

as a birthday or wedding anniversary. Some of them like to have that occasion to be recognized by others.

Therefore

, they hold a

party

in a five-star hotel,

for instance

, which definitely costs

million

Fix the agreement mistake

millions

show examples

dollars

Change preposition

of dollars

show examples

In addition

, they

also

need to prepare the souvenirs for those who come.

Instead

of having a humble

party

, they choose to have a festive one. In fact, having a small-scale

party

is pretty much better because it will be more intimate and it still conveys how grateful they are to be blessed for what they have gotten.

However

, a better option

above all

is to save

money

because we do not even know what the future holds.

For example

, a family must save

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

money

to prepare the tuition fees for their children because it might be very high in the future.

On the other hand

, if they need to refresh their mind, they can have a vacation, which the budget

also

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to be allocated. Meanwhile, no one ever

know

Change the verb form

knows

show examples

we might suffer from illness years from now.

This

also

need to be paid attention. In conclusion,

although

some people believe that there is a must to have a family celebration, if it can be replaced with another important occasion, it will be better.

Thus

, much

money

will be saved.

Submitted by srsdy008 on Sun May 26 2024

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task achievement

To improve the task achievement, provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. This will help to clearly support your arguments.

task achievement

Ensure that all main points are fully developed and supported with appropriate evidence. For example, explain more thoroughly why small-scale parties can be more intimate or better than large, extravagant ones.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, use linking phrases more effectively, ensuring smooth transitions between points and ideas. This will improve the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Refine your introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. Clearly state your thesis in the introduction and succinctly summarize your main points in the conclusion.

task achievement

The essay clearly addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

coherence cohesion

The language used is appropriate and varied, which helps to maintain the reader's interest.

coherence cohesion

The essay structure is clear, with distinct paragraphs for each main idea, contributing to the overall coherence.

16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

6.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

339 words

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